Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Larry McCarren's Pinky

Tom Cruises’ crooked nose. Harrison Ford’s heavy breathing. The Dark Knight’s insanely deep voice. There are some characteristics that can make certain people almost impossible to watch.

Like the other night I was watching a Harry Ford classic, Air Force One. In this sweet action thriller, Gary “Not Yet An” Oldman, hijacks the president’s plane in hopes of getting money for his sex change operation or something. I don’t remember because the only thing I could hear were the two arctic wind tunnels known as Harrison Ford’s nostrils. Seriously, the dude breathes so loud even when he’s not the focus of the scene, his nozzer tries to play best supporting actor. It’s like trying to decipher the lyrics from “Blinded By the Light” over and louder again and not making any ground (Seriously, what are they saying?) It’s just plain annoying.

Larry McCarren, former Packer and Green Bay television sports anchor, is the same way for a lot of people. If you've ever watched "The Mike McCarthy Show" or "Larry McCarren's Locker Room" or sportscasts on WFRV-TV 5, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Somewhere during the Rock’s 162 straight games under center with the Packers, his left pinky bent about 90 degrees the wrong way. It now dangles outward like a broken twig that refuses to fall off the tree.

The first time I noticed it I jumped up out of my seat and yelled, “Whoa! Lookit McCarren’s finger! Holy Crap!” That feeling of awe and disgust has never gone away. And once you’ve seen it, you can’t look away. It’s like being mesmerized by a snake charmer; you just follow the finger wherever it goes – your eyes fascinated and powerless to look away.

I’m not saying that Larry should get it reset or fixed. It’s an ultimate tough-guy-man-symbol that he definitely earned and has the right to show off. Heck, it might even be cool to put some phat ice on it to make it stand out more. One day, however, that pinky will undoubtedly fall off. It has to. Perhaps that day Larry will be cooking his famous chili for some friends and he’ll say, “Hey friends, do you smell what the Rock is cooking?” and they notice his missing digit and will reply, “Your pinky?”


  1. I love the McCarren as much as the next Packer fanatic, but his pinky can't hold a candle to Brian Baldinger's pinky which gets way more national exposure.

    1. Just googled Brian Baldinger. There's nothing wrong with his pinky, or any digit for that matter.

    2. GAWD -- like a twig that refuses to fall off -- hilarious!!!

  2. Anon, you need to learn how to Google. Baldy definitely has a messed up pinky, too.


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