Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Rest easy. The end is not, in fact, nigh.

I’m not sure if you’ve read The Watchmen or not, but if you have, you’ve seen the guy who pops up every few pages carrying a cardboard sign that says, “The End is Nigh”. He’s a crazy looking redhead wearing a beat-up trench coat and fingerless gloves. Do you want to know an interesting tid-bit about that guy? Yeah? Okay. His name is Mike Vandermoose and he writes for the Green Bay Press Gazette. His doom-and-gloom pandering to Favre-o-philes, Ted Thompson haters, and Mike McCarthy detesters is legendary in Packer “fan” circles. He is their spiritual leader. I use the term “fan” here very loosely, as no one could read and believe his negative tripe and still claim to be a fan as they undoubtedly prance around their backyards in Bear’s jerseys and tin-foil hats.

It’s sad to say, but I can bet, and feel very certain, that he was happy the Packers went 6-10 this past season, as it actually gave him something he could write about. Say we went 10-6 and made the playoffs. Couldn’t you just imagine him sitting in his office at 1:00am staring at a blank screen while the cursor blinked menacingly at him as he tried to write a positive story? I could. Take this little doozy, or this one. They are so full of anger, spite, and passive-aggressiveness; you have to begin to wonder what the Packers management did to him. “Ooooh, Mikey, did they move your chaiwr into the back duwing pwess confrwences? Ooo, po’ baby.” I mean, even when he tries to say hiring Dom Capers as Defensive Coordinator was good, he just cannot do it without filling the article with backhanded jabs.

Let's get real, in two weeks, everyone is 0-0. Time to be optimistic. But if you read Vandermoose, you’d assume that the Packers would be better off applying to get into the CFL next year rather than even taking the field. I, for one, am increasingly optimistic and excited for next year’s Packers’ squad. Changes on D, no Favre fiasco, it should be fun. As the Electric Light Orchestra said, “Don’t bring me down, Moose!” Err…something like that.

Now, Mike Vandermoose is not really the guy in The Watchmen, he’s nowhere near cool enough. But every time I read something by him, I picture a man in the not-too-distant future, wearing a dirty trench coat, shuffling along Lombardi Avenue carrying a sign saying, “The End is Nigh”. He has a slow, plodding walk and his crazy eyes never seem to be able to focus on the cars driving by and honking, full of Packer fans celebrating a Super Bowl victory.

3 comments:

  1. My cousin played against Vandermause when he was at Gillett High in the 70s. Apparently his nickname was "Mooseyack" because he puked when he was nervous during games.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why am I he last person to see these blogs. Nice place and great post.

    ReplyDelete

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