Monday, January 26, 2009

There is no cold, only Trgovac.

The Packers’ hiring of Mike Trgovac has sent a serious message that cannot be ignored. Contrary to some who say it was done in an attempt to get high profile assistants because of growing unrest among Packer fans, it was done to address one issue and this one issue only that reared its ugly head last season: For some inexplicable reason, the Green Bay Packers defensive line began wearing long sleeves in the cold. This is not something that should be allowed to continue, and Trgovac will see to it that it stops. Immediately. If you play on the Frozen Tundra, you let the cold seep into your bones until it becomes a part of you, much like the desire to bury a RB three yards deep in the hole or planting a QB like he’s an apple seed should be a part of you.

Whisper the name Trgovac in World War I era Austria, and you would see hardened Axis soldiers visibly shiver with fear. The actual details of Vranzek Trgovac’s legendary feats of battle fighting for the Serbian army against the invading Austro-Hungarians during the winter of 1914 are still not entirely known. But it is said that he singlehandedly defeated two Austrian companies in one of the coldest weeks in European history. The ill-equipped Serbs often had to make do without warm uniforms, and Vranzek took this to extreme. He could often be seen on the battlefield with no boots and no shirt standing on piles of fallen foes. He was also overheard telling fellow soldiers that the heat of battle and the blood of his enemies kept him warm. The family lines get blurry following WWI, but at some point Vranzek Trgovac’s family made his way to the United States and settled near Youngstown, Ohio. I think you see where this is going. I mean how many Trgovacs can there be? It’s not exactly as common as Smith or Johnson.

Mike McCarthy has put a man whose ancestor struck fear into the hearts of his enemies in charge of a group of players who forgot their identity last year (with the exception of Aaron Kampman). The love of cold and an unstoppable battle frenzy has been bred into Mike Trgovac, and he will not quit until his troops embrace this love of frigid temps and combat as their own. The Mike Trgovac Manifesto states: “As MY defensive lineman, you have no need for long sleeves, you feel no cold, and you embrace battle with your very souls. You will crush your enemies in my name, for I am TRGOVAC!”

That’s my kind of guy. Fear Trgovac and fear The Rant.

5 comments:

  1. Tack on Kevin Greene as the OLB coach and I feel we're ready to go to war!

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  2. Kevin Greene was trained as a paratrooper. Just a little tid-bit.

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  3. How do you pronounce this guy's name? I like what is going on here, I really like what is going on here.

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  4. I say Tro-vack, but I doubt that's right. Tro-vatch?

    How about "Stone-Cold Killer"?

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  5. Mike Trgovac's United States ancestors setttled in Western Pennsylvania near Beaver Falls. The connection to Vranzek Trgovac makes for a good football story, but it's accuracy is doubtful.

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