Sunday, February 22, 2009

More sauerkraut? Always.

With the recent news that Michael Crabtree will need surgery to address a stress fracture in his foot, it bears discussion that he may be available to the Packers with the 9th pick in the draft. I personally think that receiver-starved teams like Seattle, Oakland, and Jacksonville will never let him drop that far, but just for the sake of argument let's think about it.

The receiver group of the Packers is unarguably their strongest and deepest group. Greg Jennings early season chemistry with Aaron Rodgers lead to another dominant season for the rising star, and the late season resurgence of Donald Driver proved he is still a great receiver and one of the toughest players in the game. (Side note: These two are having an off-season competition to see who has the bigger TD smile, I've got money on Driver) James Jones suffered through injuries most of '08 season, but he showed flashes of promise even with limited playing time, and Jordy Nelson filled in admirably in his rookie season. Ruvell Martin is a better fifth receiver than most teams third. Now, should Crabtree fall to the Packers due to his injury some would say that there is no way they should draft him due to the current receiver situation and the other team needs. This hasty reaction is why none of us are General Managers, but rather beer-swilling fantasy team owners (proud of it actually). If teams are foolish enough to let a talent like Crabtree pass by, then it might be in the Packers best interest to further strengthen the cornerstone of their line-'em-up-and-chuck-it-around offense.
Hold on now, don't throw your Swingline through your monitor, bear with me. I'm not fond of ever complimenting the Vikings, but in 2006 Chester Taylor, a free agent from Baltimore, finished the season with 1,216 yards and 6 TDs in his first year with the Vikings. Despite this, the next year the Vikings took Adrian Peterson with the 7th pick in the draft. Many so-called experts criticized the move due to Peterson's injury history and Taylor's recent success. However, two years later, I think you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who holds that same opinion. The point being, if you have a chance to get a great football player, you make the pick and ignore the "experts".

For the beer-swillers out there, it's kind of like eating a bratwurst. You get just enough sauerkraut before it's gone, but then someone pulls out another can and offers you some more. Technically you have enough, but deep down, you know without a doubt, that that 'kraut will make your brat even better. So you pile on a mound as tall as the Bavarian Alps.

Having said all this, I hope he's gone by 9, and the Packers won't have to make this decision. Excuse me, I have to go vomit after the positive Vikings' talk.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dare I Date a Bears Fan?

As some of you know, this “36-year old Party Animal” recently hit the web-dating circuit in search of “good times” and “non-committal relationships.” I’ve gotten my fair share of inquiries from the greater Green Bay area but usually from chicks that either: A) don’t have a current photo or 2) send fake photos and then when I get to the bar they say, “my friend couldn’t make it, so she sent me instead.”

Saturday, however, I get this email with the subject, “Connie has agreed to a date.” Now, since I sent out requests for dates to just about every chick in the upper 75% of good looks within 50 miles, I could not remember who this Connie chick was. I immediately scrolled to her pictures and see that she’s pretty hot. Not Jennifer Aniston hot, but maybe a neighbor from Toledo or something. Even cooler, all of Connie’s additional pictures show her with a beer in her hand or some kind of party situation. Sounds pretty nice so far, right?

Well, before I could respond “Happy Hour at Anduzzi’s?” I see something that stops me in my tracks. The 4th sentence of her “About Me” description says, “Die Hard Bears Fan.” Normally, I would immediately delete the email because I’ve been down that road too many times and Bears fans suck. But there’s something about this Connie chick that really intrigues me. I mean, she obviously likes to party and she thinks I’m good enough looking to drink with. But why would she request a date with a self-described “Green Bay Packer Fanatic, Zealot, Ranter, Enthusiast, Devotee & Aficionado”? Did she even read my profile? I don’t know, there’s a lot of questions floating around.

Since I am undecided, I’m leaving it up to you. For the next week, vote on whether I should embark on this potentially perilous dating adventure using the poll to the left. If it’s a go, I’ll chronicle the whole thing and Rant about it later. Thank you for your help Packer Nation!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Jet has landed...sort of.

Brett Favre retired...again. Meh. If you, like many, are sick of this story, do not turn on ESPN today.

The Packers' response:

"Congratulations to Brett on a remarkable career. The Packers organization wishes him and his family well. Brett always will hold a special place in Green Bay Packers history, and we remain committed to retiring his number at an appropriate time in the future."

Short, sweet, and to the point (much like this post). The key part of that statement: "at an appropriate time in the future." It seems the Packers have learned their lesson. Get it?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Please? Look at that form.

Like I said a couple weeks ago when Mike Vandermoose was screaming about the sky falling and the Reds invading a high school in Colorado, everybody is 0-0. This offseason has brought much speculation about free agency and here at the Ranter, we are no different. Robert and I have been discussing free agency with a passion. We have also been hearing a lot about who fellow Cheeseheads are clamoring for. The usual suspects come up: Peppers, Haynesworth, Suggs. I'll be the first to admit - signing one of those guys would be fantastic, but I see another guy who could come in and have an immediate impact for the Packers. A guy who will probably be available and at a much cheaper price. Shane Lechler, come on down. You're the next contestant on "The Punter is Right".

Lechler, currently with the Raiders, is a six-time All-Pro and the reigning NFL record holder for punting average (46.5). The Packers probably lost at least two games last year due the terrible punting - punting that wouldn't have made it out of the regional finals of the Punt, Pass & Kick competition. Bringing it Lechler to settle down the gameshow atmosphere that surrounded the punting game last year would be a step toward erasing that 6-10 record from memory. Lechler's average in 2008 was 48.8, 2.3 yards ABOVE the NFL record (the record he holds) for average yards/punt. The truth is, the Raiders are so screwed up at so many places, they can't afford to keep this guy around which means he should be snapped up, as soon as possible.

Now, a plan should always be in place if free agent targets and draft targets are no longer available. This would mean we would go into next season with Jeremy Kapinos as our punter. Recently it was revealed that the Vikings were looking into having Jay Glazer get Tavaris Jackson involved in Mixed Martial Arts to increase his flexibility (yes, Jay Glazer does MMA). Robert pointed out, rather astutely, why not just do yoga? To his credit, Tavaris said he wasn't interested in MMA and being Glazer's dojo partner. But this got me talking to D the Dragon, one-time Ranter contributor and semi-frequent commentor, about who could best be used to mentor Jeremy Kapinos. It was decided that the toughest Zen-Buddhist bouncer ever to set foot in Texas would need to be called in to Green Bay to continue Kapinos' development. A guy who could roundhouse a football sixty yards if he so chose. I know you have supposedly filled out your staff, McCarthy, but if you have any hope of avoiding last year's embarassment in the punting department, you need to call in Dalton and have him bring his roundhouse kick and wicked mullet. He can also work part-time security at Lambeau if you need to justify his salary.

Just sign Lechler, and we could avoid the monster truck issues that would undoubtedly follow Dalton.
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