Sunday, April 12, 2009

Too Much Mandex, Not Enough Football

There are a many ridiculous things that occur leading up to the NFL draft. Team shrinks asking prospects about their parents' divorce and then being surprised when they don't necessarily feel like talking about it. Teams posing as women on Facebook and MySpace to try and learn about prospects' internet presence (this is seriously hilarious: "Oh, yeah, I work as a scout for an NFL team. What do I scout? know.....well, I pretend to be a woman and send them friend requests on Facebook and MySpace; I'm a character scout." Wow.). Leaking of drug test info...that is (allegedly) wrong. GMs trying to mislead other GMs about who they are impressed or unimpressed with. Sure, this all ends up being mildly entertaining (it would be better is they released the results of the friend requests), and it fills the time between free agency and the draft, but there is one utterly ridiculous thing that needs to be eliminated from the Draft Hoopla. This is not negotiable. It happens at the Combine and is even worse at College Pro Days.

Watch this and see if you can guess what I'm talking about.

Seeing one of the great physical comedians of our time and the Swayz' encased like a sausage from the waist down would be painful if it weren't so damn funny (that is seriously one of Farley's best skits, in my not-so-humble opinion). The combine and pro days offer this same painful viewing without any of the side-splitting laughter. Is it too much to ask these guys to wear some looser-fitting gear, like a pair of sweatpants? Spandex is for bikers and swimmers....and cheerleaders, not for grown men and definitely not for grown men who are on TV. That is, unless you are trying to get a laugh or biking through the French Alps like this guy.

In fact as long as we're changing things, why doesn't the NFL make these little show-and-tell days actually worth something? Have these guys strap on a helmet and some shoulderpads. I mean, what difference does it make if you can run fast in a straight line without your gear on? You don't see many game situations where guys are shirtless and wearing bike shorts....thank god. As long as we're at it, why don't we put two other guys out there to chase them, if they catch him, they can tackle him. Game situation here, fellas.

If you can't tell, I'm getting very tired of waiting for the draft. Hopefully, I can think of something more positive for my next Rant than whining about mandex.


  1. I love how every single thing is evaluated. "He's got thick legs and a nice trunk but his emotional attachment to his grandma is concerning." You think all this misc. info gets plugged into Skynet? Good call on the mandex - I blame T.O.

  2. Effing Skynet, man. It's going to be the end of us all. To think, it started with NFL Draft evaluations...

    "Nah, he's just a bodybuilder. He doesn't have the speed or the flexibilty to play. On the other hand, he would make a great T-800 model."


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