Friday, June 19, 2009

Sister Maggie Has Some Advice for Wilf

Sister Margaret Kalinowski once told a girl in my class, “The only thing a desperate girl gets is the Clap…and well-deserved it is.”

It is now official. What has been rampant speculation for months, has now been let out in the open like a rank pair of socks…..Vikings owner, Zygi Wilf, is a 10th grade girl. Wilf told an invite-only crowd of season ticket holders at a “State of the Vikings” address that Brett Favre’s future with the team is completely up to him. This was already the case, as no coach, teammate, or GM tells Favre what to do, but now it came from the mouth of his future boss.

This is downright hilarious. The Vikings have now clipped off any man-parts they had left and thrown them to Favre and Bus Cook to play with. Personally, voluntarily clipping off my man parts would be my last, desperate act as a living, breathing human being, but not for the Vikings.

The ramifications of this statement by Wilf are tremendous. He has elevated a player, not even on the roster, above all the players, coaches, management, and ownership, essentially saying we will wait for him and welcome him with open arms at any time and adjust our plan to his desires. Can you imagine any player the Packers would even remotely consider doing this for? I will grant this concession, the Vikings struggle to sell tickets, so maybe he is being brought in fill seats and sell jerseys, but to sell your soul as an organization to make a couple bucks is the sign of an impending downfall of epic proportions, a downfall that will land in suburban L.A.

Meanwhile, their best defensive player, Antoine Winfield, (sorry, you mulleted meathead, it’s true) is sitting out and waiting to get a deal done while they try to whore themselves out to a washed-up, prima donna QB. It’s short-sighted, disrespectful to their fans (who don’t really know any better anyway), and I absolutely love it.

The Packer Ranter offers this to Zygi Wilf: If you wish to let the inmates run your asylum that is your business. However, I can caution you that you are opening a can of worms that you cannot begin to fathom. Favre is manipulative and selfish and you will ultimately reap what you sow. Do you really think Darrell Bevell and Childress can control him? He’s already proven that is not the case by refusing Major Dad’s request to attend OTAs. Having said this, I, Franklin Hillside, heartily endorse your decision to turn control of your organization to Brett Favre and Bus Cook. That’s two W’s for the Pack next year and lots of antibiotics for Vikes’ fans.

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