Sunday, August 9, 2009

Rob Davis is Morpheus?

"You honor our family with your prescence, Mr. Harrell, you may call me Mr. Xiong. You are a brave warrior, yet something is amiss with in your body... am I correct in assuming this?"

"Umm...yeah. I don't know why I am here really, I should probably go, this is stupid."

"Before you go, let me ask you something. Do you believe that there are alternatives to Western medicine, alternatives that may help your overcome your affliction, so you may return to the field of battle"

"Not really, I've had two surgeries by some of the best doctors in the country. I'm not really into all that Asian stuff, the only Chinese I know is General Tso (side note: General Tso is a bloodthirsty foe, but his chicken is delectable) ... the only reason I came is because Rob Davis said I should try it."

"Ahhh, Mr. Davis, yes. Mr. Davis is a very wise man, and he was also a brave warrior like yourself. Mr. Davis come to us with many injuries, and injuries that we helped him overcome to prolong his days of battle."

"Umm....yeah, that's what he told me. He said go to the end of the street, walk down the path, and stop at the green door and knock twice. Why are you at the end of this path and not in hosptial or clinic...or even a strip mall?"

"It is an important part of the healing process to separate youself from the daily routines you involve yourself in, the mind becomes clear and the body is allowed to relax. Now, please, lay down on this table, so I may begin. I will start by inserting several needles into your back along your meridians, this should begin to relieve your pain."

"Rob Davis really did this? Why didn't team doctors or trainers tell me about this?"

"Ahhh, yes, Dr. McKenzie...Mr. McKenzie is a brilliant surgeon, but he is arrogant and does not believe that alternative cures or treatments can be found. He only wants to cut, cut, cut. I simply seek to heal and relieve pain."

{poke, stab, stick}

"How do you feel, Mr. Harrell?"

"I haven't felt this good in three years! My pain is gone, and I feel stronger. I feel ready to dominate."

"You should seek to contirbute first, the domination may follow. It is not wise to be hasty." (Mr Xiong really said this, I promise. I'm not editorializing at all. I swear.)


"Nevermind, nevermind, do not listen to an old man who is not familiar with your style of battle. battle with plastic armor.....ahem, {cough}."

If we’ve learned anything from this exchange between a mysterious Green Bay acupuncturist and Harrell, as well from The Matrix, tried and true Eastern methods work best when battling modern medicine’s shortcomings, as well as human-harvesting machines. “I know kung fu.” Yes, Neo, we know.

Now, 2nd-year man, Pat Lee, has back spasms.

“Sure, Pat, go to the end of the street, walk down the path, and stop at the green door and knock twice…”

Thanks, Brian.

Update: Of course, NOW I read this. The machines have won. Zion is no more. {sigh}


  1. HAHA, good stuff Franklin!!

  2. Thanks, sparkyo.

    Hopefully, it is just a minor set back and Harrell heals like Neo.

  3. I think this poking stuff is like a chiropractor, once you go you have to go every week for the rest of your life.

    I hope justin knows that!!


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