Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Corn Syrup? Check. Red food coloring? Check

Robert has posted a gracious invitation to the lovely Bikini Girls (which I heartily endorse), and I have an invitation of my own. I invite all Packer fans who are going to the game, tailgating, or simply walking by Brent Favre’s Steakhouse this weekend to deal with some misguided individuals that have wandered into Packer Nation. These individuals can be identified by the dumb look on their face, their close proximity to Vikings fans, and their combination of Brent Favre Viking clothing mixed with Packers garb. Maybe it's this, it could even include a Cheesehead. This individual seems to believe that he or she can still cheer for Favre AND cheer for the Packers. This nonsense needs to be dealt with swiftly.

I have come up with a non-violent, yet effective method of retribution for these ass-clowns that is also in line with celebrating All Hallow’s Eve. This method will identify these traitors for the weekend and provide a level of satisfaction to the true Packer fans in Green Bay for the game. I ask that you hose these people with fake blood, and not just a speck, I’m talking Carrie-style, a head-to-toe staining of their traitorous clothing.

Here’s a great recipe that I plan on using (but it needs to be multiplied by 30 if you want to have enough):

2/3 c. Corn Syrup
1/3 c. Warm Water
5 Tbsp Corn Starch
4 tsp red food coloring
1 Tbsp Powdered Cocoa
2 drops of green or yellow food coloring

Mix the corn starch with the water in a large mixing bowl. Stir in the corn syrup. Add the food coloring slowly, checking for color.

I recommend filling a few water balloons if you need to spray a bunch of these individuals and then just having a large squirt gun on hand to douse solitary individuals. A bucket is also a fine choice, simple, yet incredibly effective.


  1. Your recipie sounds like one the great Sam Raimi once used at a wilderness cabin deep in the woods near Morristown, Tennessee.
    corn syrup, food coloring, and non-dairy coffee creamer. Add one Necronomicon Ex-Mortis and enjoy!

  2. Are you familiar with the term, "boomstick"?

  3. This here is my boom stick!!!

    Also I'm going to the game and want to actually stay and watch the game not get arrested. So the bloody douse I think is out of my equation. BOO the hell out of Favre where ever you go!!

    It's going to be a great victory for the packers 35-10 peterson gets 105 yards and favre tossed the ball 35 times 3 of which are picked off!!!

  4. '96 Packers badmouth todays Vikes and Brett's comments. Very Nice . .


Google requires us to state we use third-party advertising, who may use information (not including your name, address, email, or phone) about your visits to provide ads of possible interest. For more information or to opt out, click here.
To contact us or to advertise, email packerranter {at} yahoo.com