He's Bringing Sexy Back...to GB

If you’ve read The Ranter for awhile, you know that Robert and I have eschewed actual X’s and O’s analysis for a more…ummm…lighthearted approach to the Packers. That is not to say I don’t love the nuts and bolts of Packer football, and I think one of best spots to get it is from Brian over at Railbird Central. He mixes good analysis of his own, and also tosses in some thoughts and opinions on other good Packers writing in his Daily Links. In yesterday’s Links, Brian, while commenting on Tom Silverstein’s article about OLBs, Aaron Kampman and Clay Matthews, points out that they’ve been solid, but have not been serving as the “sexy” players OLBs are supposed to be in the 3-4 defense. This got me thinking…is Brian right? Yeah, I guess he is, as Silverstein points out, combined Kampman and Matthews have two sacks, a forced fumble, and three QB hits. Not very sexy.

However, I’m not really concerned by this, as it’s been exactly 3 games into a new defense and if the only criticism is that they’re playing solid and not sexy, I’ll take it. My conviction that this is not a concern can be directly attributed to Robert Greenfield’s dating life. You don’t believe me? Follow along.

You’re well aware of Robert’s recent foray into the world of dating a Bears fan, and proud we are of him. He was able to put differences aside and gave it a shot, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. However, if you think Connie has been the only lady-friend penciled in on his dance card, you’re sadly mistaken. Robert has been a man-on-the-scene in Green Bay over the past year. I went to visit him a couple weeks ago, and he had phone numbers lying all over his apartment, phone numbers on napkins, pizza boxes, and empty six-pack containers. You name it; there was a phone number on it. There was Karla from Applebee’s, Suzzanne from Kwik Trip, Amy from Walmart -- an impressive list to say the least. Now here’s my point: growing up, Robert would never have been confused with someone “sexy”. Sure, he could always deliver a pizza in less than half an hour, but this never scored him any points with ladies. However, as he matured, became more comfortable with himself, and became more confident, he become a ladies man, with some daring to refer to him as a “sexy, stud-muffin” In fact, he has been to Anduzzi’s with so many different women the staff has taken to calling him, “John Mayer Jr.” This is not an insult as it would first appear as we all know Mayer sucks; it is rather a reference to the long and semi-distinguished list of lovely ladies Mayer, and now Robert, has been linked to.

The point of all of this is if Robert Greenfield can start slaying the ladies of Green Bay as he has matured and become more comfortable with himself, it is only a matter of time before Aaron Kampman and Clay Matthews start slaying opposing QBs as they become more comfortable in the 3-4 defense.

And you thought it was going to be a stretch, have faith.