Monday, October 26, 2009

We’ll Never Betray You

Dear Bikini Girls,

Judging from your sign, I gather that you took #4’s departure as hard as anyone. You look so happy right now – if only there was a way to bottle that joy and sell it at Walmart for $9.99 a six pack, we’d all be rich. In the meantime, I think it’s time for you to have some new and enjoyable experiences at Lambeau… with the Packer Ranters!

Why? Cheese. Franklin and I go miles beyond your standard curd-consuming, cheddar-block tailgating chumps. We are totally into the art of cheesemaking/tasting. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Franklin’s jalapeno and pork-flavored Havarti or my classic semi-soft sheep’s milk cracker smear. Both will be on hand during our Sunday tailgate. We have even discussed testing out to be Grand Master judges for the 2010 World Championship Cheese Contest in Madison. Come tailgate with us and we’ll tell you all about it.

Why? Loyalty. Unlike #4, who was only loyal to the Packers from 1992 to 2008, we have been diehard fans of the Green and Gold since birth. We are not subject to drafting, trades or free agency, and besides a nickel for every ad clicked on, we are not paid either. Our dedication has been and will always be with the Green Bay Packers. If you don’t believe me, I will bring a picture of my headstone, which I purchased around Y2K. It reads, “Here Lies Robert Greenfield, Lifelong Packer Fan and Winner of Anduzzi’s 1997 Packerena Danceoff.”

As you can see, the case for you to party with us Sunday is pretty strong. We’ve already got a sweet tailgating spot picked out, possibly the best in Green Bay. As soon as we get confirmation of your arrival, we’ll give you directions to meet us as well as the combination to the cheese safe.

Looking forward to your response! ~R.G.

3 comments:

  1. Hey R.G.

    Use your Sith powers to make them think they really want to hang out with you.

    I case they won't you can always put a bikini top on Hillside.
    B-cup?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gotta love the Bikini Girls.

    That picture is photoshopped though. Here is the original:

    http://i521.photobucket.com/albums/w335/IMidwestIM/bikini-girls-1003g.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  3. pashaww - that is a great idea if I wasn't preparing to use all my mental energy disrupting the Vikings Sunday. Franklin will have to tell you his cup size these days - it fluctuates with his weight - I can't keep up.

    IronMan - I'm kind of embarrassed I posted a counterfeit Bikini Girls picture! Thanks for setting me straight! LOL.

    ReplyDelete

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