Monday, November 23, 2009

Wild Turkey

The last few times the Packers have played the Lions on Thanksgiving, the games have been a little more than expected. But for the Greenfield’s, these particular days have been one for the books.

Nov 22, 2001: GB 29, DET 27
A Lions’ fourth quarter mad rally fell just short but the real story was that my sister was bringing her boyfriend for Thanksgiving she was really high on, so Grandma wanted to do something “special.” She saw an ad for Cornish game hens for like $1/piece at Piggly Wiggly so she thought it would be cool to give everyone their individual hen. Grandma Greenfield baked about twenty of them at the same time and when they were ready, each was plated with a side of mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. As we started cutting open the hens, it became evident why they were so cheap. Each hen was about 80% bone, vein and tendon so bad that by the time you surgically maneuvered around to the meat, it was nothing but chewy and gross. Embarrassed, Grandma begged him to come back for Christmas dinner where she would make it up to him, but they broke up before that came.

Nov 27, 2003: GB 14, DET 22
My cousin Chet brought over his dog he just adopted from the shelter a week earlier – a brown mut named Digger. Digger was more than happy to receive table scraps from anyone willing. Unfortunately, Chet forgot to mention Digger was on a strict diet. The table scraps didn’t agree with his stomach and he yacked up a few disgusting piles around the house. The smell was too much to bear so most of the Greenfield men ended up in the garage listening to the game over a case of High Life and a jar of honey roasted peanuts. It would’ve been OK except for the fact we had to listen to Favre turn the ball over four times in the second half en route to a crappy Detroit loss.

Nov 22, 2007: GB 37, DET 26
Favre and the Pack straight-up torched the Lions this Thanksgiving, but it was my Uncle Frank’s shenanigans that we love talking about. Uncle Frank couldn’t wait for Christmas, so he purchased a turkey fryer and invited us all over for the inaugural frying. Like the stubborn man he is, Frank decided he could bypass the directions and wing it because after all, “how hard can it be?” The first of the especially bad ideas was setting the fryer next to the garage. The next was dropping the turkey in the vat waaaaay too fast. The firey oil spewed over, bubbling onto his garage’s vinyl siding and melting it instantly. Frank freaked out and pulled out a kick reminiscent of the great Daniel LaRusso, knocking the fryer over and onto his driveway. His boot also briefly caught fire and before he could kick it that off, he suffered second-degree burns.

Always good times with the Greenfields on Thanksgiving with the Packers. I volunteered to host this Thursday. Should be interesting. Feel free to share your stories as well – I’d love to hear them.


  1. I once spent 5 hours on Black Friday chatting up single moms at the Pro Shop. I got three numbers and a referral to the Fox Valley Modelling Agency.

  2. Not to try and one up Franklin but the best place to chat up ladies is at Cleo's in downtown Appleton. Their mantra, "Everyday is Christmas at Cleo's." Christmas at Cleo's comes in two ways. 1. The whole place is decorated with more Christmas shit then you could ever imagine and getting drunk is a snap with their specialty drink the "dirty snowball."
    2. Cleo's is full of divorcées and middle age single ladies.
    As I did last Thanksgiving Cleo's is the perfect place to head to after an afternoon of food and football to spend some quality time with horny, drunk, aggressive, lonely, aging women...a perfect combination for a little Christmas come early.

  3. Jonathan, you're on the shortlist for "Comment of the Season Award". Congrats and best of luck at Cleo's.

    You can drink dirty snowballs, just don't eat them.

  4. I love that Robert listened to the game on the Radio. Reminds me of growing up poor in chicago I listened to the games all the time. Love Wayne and Larry and they do a great job!!

  5. 620 WTMJ rulez. I believe it was Max Magee at the time... RIP MM...

  6. This site still exists?


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