Thursday, February 4, 2010

G-Men Origins: Iron Thigh

Born Masonathan Gargomel Crosby IV, he is a G-Men specialist and socialite playboy whose right leg was engineered into a high-powered bionic weapon known as Iron Thigh.

As a teenager, Mason’s young thigh showed promise. It was girthier than the other boys and more defined as well. He routinely triumphed in Herculean-like challenges – the Texas leg press, the leg push-up, kick the keg and so on. The legend of Mason’s thigh grew and earned him an opportunity to serve with the Buffaloes of Colorado. There, his leg ego ran wild. He charged women to touch it, convinced the alchemy club to bronze it, and even ordered biomedical department to routinely experiment on his thigh lest he use his legs as a nutcracker and their heads as giant walnuts… or something.

After several failed experiments, Iron Thigh was completed. Upon graduation, he enlisted with the G-Men and proved to be immediately effective. The pressures have since mounted for Iron Thigh and although his leg remains as powerful as ever, it’s less about the length and more about the width these days.

Subsequent re-imaginings of Iron Thigh have placed him in both the Civil War as a cannonball kicker and also as the star of Kicked Off, a dating show where he sends unwanted women into the abyss with an otherworldly booming kick. For now, Iron Thigh seeks to regain his seemingly lost reputation as a mighty leg specialist for the G-Men.

23 comments:

  1. 10 feet or higher?
    Check!
    Less than 9 feet 3 inches off dead center?
    . . . .
    DOH!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Iron Thigh was briefly known as Braveleg in the short-lived G-Men spinoff: "G-men in Space" Issues #45, #47-49.

    He also appears in issue #67 of "G-men Rivalries: Iron Thigh vs. California Redwood Stump"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey, Anonymous, I run a little side business selling black market ice packs. You're going to need them after Robert gets done with you.

    BOOM!

    ReplyDelete
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