"Dude, it's your birthday today? Cool."
"Yeah, petty sweet."
"Man, I didn't know that, how old are you now?"
"The big ____-____"
"Sweet. Here's a shot. Let me get you another beer."
Transaction complete. Now, of course it is customary for it to proceed farther than that, but if not, the previous conversation is all that is required between men.
That is, of course, unless you find the ultimate, one-of-kind, perfect gift for the Cliff to your Norm. Millhouse to your Bart. Egon to your Ray. Well, Robert and I found that gift for good friend of the Packer Ranter, John Johnson, aka The Company Man. I was surfing around this new website called "eBay". Okay, okay, I understand that it's not new, but auctions scare me. They would scare you too if you went to an auction with your grandpa as a child and accidentally bought him a $20,000 snow plow. I still owe him $5,000, and Mr. Plow doesn't forgive debts. Anyway, we found the greatest gift that Ted Thompson's #1 fan could get for his birthday:
That's right, Robert and I got John Johnson a custom-made 4x6 Ted Thompson picture and an authentic 2009 Brookfield Police Ted Thompson card...both autographed by the man himself. Who would want autographed GM memorabilia? Well, you've never met John Johnson, I guess. The most damning criticism of Ted Thompson, I've heard from him? "Hmmm....that's a big contract for Grant. Not sure about that. Well, In Ted I Trust." (Turns out it was a pretty good deal, in Ted he trusts, indeed)
Well, that may have been damning criticism, but the best praise I heard: "This is the best birthday gift I got."
Hell. Yeah. Now, how old are you?