Wednesday, March 17, 2010

G-Men Origins: The Green & Gold Surfer

Born Aaronoldius Rodgers in the idyllic planet California, the Surfer possesses a surplus of gifts that combine otherworldly strength, stamima and accuracy, whether firing leather lasers or scampering about like the boys. His profound accuracy was later discovered to originate from his mental bond to the pigskin, which moves in response to his mental commands, which are vast and fast, much like the women of his home planet.

The Green & Gold Surfer originally made a promise with SilverHair to lead the G-Men after Greybeard’s inevitable exodus. He spent years in a purgartory-like state, biding his time and secretly honing the skills that would eventually dominate the Norse Galaxy.

Despite fears his natural armor would be easily exposed, the Surfer has shown the ability to absorb energy blows, even when his protective shield was acting more like Swiss Cheese (not mentioning any G-Men names though… Barbre Shop). He also displays keen senses of detecting foul beings of mostly purple and blue shades.

The Surfer does not sleep and is known for maintaining a Zen-like balance. He can survive and thrive in almost any environment, whether sub-zero tundra or black holes. The G-Men proved wise in agreeing to terms with the Surfer that would allow him to lead the team for years to come.


  1. Beware the placid appearance of the Surfer's Zen-like-state. He can switch on you in an instant, and tear the ass out of any defense yet devised.

    Plus, you know, he's kinda scrappy.

  2. He is also able to upgrade his powers mid-battle by strapping on his Belt of Dominance. Watch him after a run, he puts it on with the authority of a true G-Men leader.

  3. I've always admired a man who can pull off two belts at once. Just think how securely his pants are held up.

    What would you do if you didn't have to worry your pants were gonna fall right down?
    The possibilities are endless.

  4. Dang, where were you two when I was writing this? Good stuff.

  5. Don’t try to co-opt me into your filthy little blog. I work alone.

  6. I was in the basement repairing Braineo (cheap Chinese equivalent to Prof X's Cerebro), someone around here has to do real work.

    Your G-Men profiles overheated the storage cells.

  7. How is Linguo,your talking grammer-correcting robot, comming along?

  8. How is Linguo,your talking grammer-correcting robot, comming along?

  9. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandMarch 20, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    This is some really funny stuff...except for that disturbing pic of Jared Allen .
    Keep up the good work!

  10. Thank you kindly, A_Lerxst! Jared Allen....just disturbing overall!


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