Saturday, April 10, 2010

I'm Always Home. I'm Uncool.

I'll be completely honest and forthright with you all right now, I hate draft hype. I think it's 90% B.S. and 10% advertising revenue. Well, that was probably the old ratio, now with the brain-trust down at NFL Headquarters stretching the draft out this year, it's probably more like 80-20, but people can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14% of all people know that.

The so-called experts proclaim to know who's going when, what teams need what, who they're going to draft, and whether the GM wears boxers or briefs. This is a house of lies! Then you take the Packers, and the so-called experts who already know nothing, know even less. It would take Professor Charles Xavier to actually know what Ted's going to do with each of his picks, and that's only if he ripped it from Ted's mind. Thompson will take a draft prediction and destroy it before you can say, "trade-down".  From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it. That's all I'm interested in..... But hey, mock drafts drive traffic right?  Ha! You bet they do.

So now you think I'm going to do a Packers' mock draft don't you?  Nope, not even close, so move along if that's what you're after. Because mock drafts aren't cool, and regardless if the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool, I refuse to stoop to doing a mock draft. 1) Because I'd have a better chance hitting the jackpot at Oneida Casino than accurately predicting who the Packers will take and 2) I've already found the sure-fire means for figuring out the future of the Packers:

Listen to THIS with a candle burning and you'll see the Packers entire future.

As good friend of the Ranter, D the Dragon, said the other day: "ESPN? Mel Kiper? He's a drunken buffoon posing as a poet.  Give me The Packer Ranter. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic."

So.....who goes at 23?


  1. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandApril 10, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    I thought who was on first...

  2. Pretty much about how I feel about the draft hype, too.

  3. What's this draft you speak of?

  4. That "Bring on the Heroes" song is fucking epic. And hilarious.

  5. As are most of those songs, Graffin. Equal parts epic and hilarious.

    I think "G-Force Has the Guts" smashes the absurdity ceiling.

  6. Only interested in real people, real feelings? Are we feeling a little fragile, Hillside?

  7. I think we can all learn a lesson from Penny Lane when it comes to draft predictions/hopes.

    "I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends."


  8. Hey listen to me. As a Packers fan under TT draft talk is all we got for 3 months of the offseason. Believe me I love TT but Feb, March and April are pretty slow months for us fans if we didnt gab about the draft the whole time.

    That said I have no clue who we take. Hopefully a OLB and an OT somewhere in the draft...

  9. Graham, it sounds like you need a hobby. Maybe can help Franklin talk about his feelings. You probably won't enjoy it, but it would kill some time. Just remember; you must have the talking stick if you want to share.

    "Real people, real feelings." =sad.

    Someone is in desperate need of getting laid.

  10. Pashaww, you're the most tired of internet cliches, the internet tough-guy/Don Juan, who thinks that every issue can be solved by either beating it up, or humping its leg. Also, stop piggy-backing on shizzle's comments, the least you could do is come up with something real.

    Go watch Almost Famous and calm down.

  11. so . . . just how long has it been?

  12. calmer than you are

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