Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Future LB Corp?

I’d like to introduce you to the brothers Zelinski: Bart, Cole and Dane. They are not only Fond du Lac teenagers on the verge of puberty, they are the star linebackers on their Pop Warner football team, Erwin Family Dentistry & Associates.

It’s not too often the powers that be take notice of such young talent – the Tigers and Lebrons of this world are few and far between. But because of their aggressive tackling and otherworldly football instincts, the Zelinski brothers are already receiving unofficial visits from Division 1 schools around the country. And did I mention they are only in middle school?

And this is exactly why the Packers need to take notice now. With a little grooming and maybe a little more protein, these brothers could potentially take the NFL by storm and begin a new era of talent grooming in professional sports. The time to invest is now, Packers organization. Why, you ask?

Brothers. Forget team-building, these guys have lived together for over a decade. They share an unspoken bond that will only get stronger with age. I mean, have you seen Slapshot?

Combination. Look at that formation. You’ve got compact speed in the middle and power/length on the outside. Opposing coordinators are going to lose more than sleep trying to contain these guys.

Attitude. Yes, it’s obvious they were having fun posing for this picture, which goes to show they like to let loose. But look closer. That’s three of the most intimidating thousand-yard stares I’d ever dare to see.

Low Body Fat. Remember Robert Brooks? Besides this sweet diddy, he was known for having the lowest body fat % in like the entire NFL somewhere around 3%. I’m guessing these guys come in around 1% - combined.

Marketing. You’d be a fool if you overlooked the commercial opportunities that could come with this rare trio. Forget the first two movies of the trilogy, we’re going right to Z3: License to Thrill with these guys!

To Barnett, Hawk and whomever the other starting LB is going to be this year, I love you and this Rant should no way be considered disrespect. I’m just looking to build. I’m just looking to the future of my beloved Packers. I’m sure you understand.


  1. Best to always keep the eyes peeled for emerging talent. I'm sure the scouting dept. is all over these kids.

    Any relation to auto parts king?

  2. Okay, number one, as MM says, you forgot about the most important aspect of playing LB for the Packers: the long hair. Nothing says Packer People better, and it was THE reason Tracy White was released.

    And team chemistry? If they're anything like normal brothers, they're bound to start fighting each other in the middle of the game. And you know that, with that physique, it's gonna get ugly.

    BTW, speaking of brothers, CM3's will be draft eligible next year. Casey, plays ILB for Oregon. We should even look at the tape, if his last name is Matthews, he should be drafted. I mean, it's just ridiculous.

  3. Bart, Cole, and Dane. If those aren't Packer names, I don't know what are.

    Franklin, I think you're on to something with the auto parts king. The Packers would just need a good tag line. Hmmm....

    "I make tackles for the American working man because that's who I am. And that's who I care about."

  4. Clearly the real story here is how Erwin Family Dentistry and Associates managed to lock up the Zelinski trifecta. Packer Central needs to take a good close look at the scouting and management practices of Erwin F.D. and Ass. Who are these guys, and who else have they locked up? Maybe the whole Erwin F.D. and Ass. team should be vetted for future Packer prospects.
    Should the team be left alone? Bought and held as a farm team? Or Bought and dismantled out-right absorbing all useable pieces, (players, scouts, management)?
    I leave it to the Ranters to decide!

  5. How did you guys find my picture?

  6. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandJune 30, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    Your tag line proposal made me laugh so hard I wet myself. Outstanding!

  7. Lerxt, good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out.

  8. Just keep tellin' these boys to think "chicken wings." The sky is the limit.


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