Tuesday, July 6, 2010


There are only other three people in the world that know what I’m about to tell you. Like Lyme disease gone dormant, I’ve been carrying around this deep, dark secret for almost fifteen years that still shames me to this day. Although I try not to think about it, the truth comes knocking more often than not.

We men are easy creatures; drawn to whatever our stomach or eyes are willing to feast. In this case, it was the latter…a babe named Jess. She was foxy and funny and feisty, looked great in jeans and on top of that, she was really into me. You can imagine my excitement when she wanted to come over and watch the Packers in the Super Bowl in 1997.

I orchestrated an incredible setup in my parent’s basement that day I tell you. There were chips and dip and a cooler next to the couch; there was even stool to put up our feet and slouch. Things seemed perfect and she arrived just in time to snuggle, yes snuggle, and watch the great Luther Vandross sing the national anthem.

To recap: The Packers were in the Super Bowl, a hot chick had her hand on my leg, and a three-gallon bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos was within arm’s length…life was good I tell you! And it quickly got even better, or so I thought at the time.

“Wanna make out?” she asked as New England kicked off.

“What? Seriously?” I came back with.

“Would you rather watch the game?”

“I mean… Seriously? It’s the Super Bowl. It’s the Packers. First time in thirty years.”

“Didn’t you say they had a dynasty and they’ll win at least three Super Bowls with Favre?” she asked.

“Well yeah, but…”

“It’s OK, we can watch the game.”

And it’s at that point I made the call to fulfill her request. We then began what will go down as my number #2 epic makeout session of all time with an asterisk. And let me tell you, it was five times better than anything previous or since but I cannot ever put it at #1 because while we were visiting Smoochtown, the Packers were on their way to winning a Super Bowl – the only one of its kind of my lifetime. By the time one of us had to go to the bathroom, the confetti was swarming down on Favre, Reggie and the bunch. I was in complete shock and awe.

Yes, I had my reasons for what I’ve done, as men always do, and as much as I would go back and change the past, this is my journey and I accept that. I’ve come a long way since then and I know it won’t happen again. Jess is married with children now, anyhow, and living in Minnesota last I heard.

Thanks for letting me vent, Internets/readers.


  1. you made out during the Superbowl! But it was the superbowl!
    Then you have no memory of how great the Mark Prior interception was when he then threw the receiver WWE style off of his back? Or no memory of the joy when He who shall not be named ran off the field, helmet in hand, after his first TD throw? I pity you. I don't care how good the kissing is, its not worth it.

    I'm shoked my friend. Shocked.


  2. It's decisions like these that build character, make us who we are...what the hell am I talking about?

    WELL DONE!!!

  3. No wonder you only answered my questions about the game with another question.

    "What'd you think of Howard winning MVP?"

    "Hmmmm...excellent question, Hillside. What did YOU think of Howard winning the MVP?"

  4. Musing - if that really happened I would have no idea. It didn't, did it? DANG!

    PPGJ - If I posted her pic, man, peeps would be impressed. Possibly the hottest girl in the Fox Valley at the time.

    Franklin - I'm glad you're not disappointed. Wasn't easy for me to say/write. And yes, I've avoided it for YEARS.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. OH but it did


    Mark Prior jumped in front of Shawn Jefferson, Jefferson jumped on his back and tried to tackle him, Prior bent over and threw him off. It was one of my favorite plays.

  7. You wouldn't even imagin the # of things I missed out on because I was off somewhere getting some sweet action. Worth it everytime. No worries Robert...no worries.

  8. Don't mean to judge you based on looks, but this sweet action you were getting was with real girls, and not just online/chat room stuff, right?


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