Monday, August 2, 2010

Training Camp and Yard Work...One and the Same

I spent the majority of yesterday in my yard, in the sweltering heat and dripping humidity, doing yard work. Amid the multiple water breaks, due in part to sweating through numerous t-shirts, and in part to a not insubstantial hangover, I thought about things that usually cross my mind: 1) why did I have so much to drink the night before 2) how could I get so lazy as to leave an important job until the last possible time of the weekend to do it and 3) the Packers. During these hydration breaks, I would check The Ranter twitter feed and get caught up on all that was happening at Training Camp.

That’s when I realized that me doing yard work is exactly like going to training camp for NFL players…you know, without the super-athletic, freak show fast, and Andre the Giant-like large men running around in body armor…at least, they’re not at my house. Multiple water breaks, intense sweating, dry heaves…(well, maybe that was just me), and backbreaking work, Training Camp and yard work have them all. Plus, there’s lots, and lots, and lots of grass! In addition, regardless of the feigned excitement by players and feigned excitement by amateur home law care technicians: “So excited for Camp!! Time to get after it!!!” and “Really pumped to get out in the yard today, get my hands dirty, and make it look great!” no one really wants to be out in the sweltering heat, doing what they’ve been doing for years, in the players’ case, practicing football and in my case, trimming back overgrown lilac bushes. Ugh! Damn you lilacs! I get two weeks of flowers for months and months of WHAT exactly?!?!!

You know what else is similar? No one really wants to hear about it unless you have a vested interest in it. This means fans of the team will care as will homeowners like me, who are forced to look at their yard as it starts to resemble a Brazilian jungle. (Okay, maybe that neighbor next door might care who trims his grass with a scissors and ruler, but in the end, he has no involvement other than peering out his windows at your dying rose bush. He's like your Division Rival, points out flaws, but never complimenting) But the problem is, despite the annoyance and downright dislike of the unpleasant nature of yard work and living in a dorm for a few weeks and running your tail off in 90 degree heat, it’s necessary. It knocks the rust off, cleans up your yard, and creates something that will eventually lead to a sense of pride. Just don’t talk to your friends about how much yard work you did, and according to some, don’t tweet how many field goals Mason Crosby misses, because no one really cares. Except…. the people who really care.

Slamming that last glass of H2O also led me to a puzzling question: if Training Camp is exactly like yard work, why the hell does Favre skip out when all he really likes to do is ride around on tractor? Maybe I’ll have to pass this analogy on to him….


  1. Yard work sucks, live in a townhouse and leave that to the association. Further read blogs all day about live updates from training camp, its worth the time trust me!

  2. Bigby is the lilac on this team. BURN!!!

  3. Since you're out there, I have a few lilacs and a maple tree that need a trim.

    How many bones, or clams or whatever you call them, does Ranter Brothers Lawn Care charge for a tree trim?

  4. Tough call - we usually get paid in meat and beer. So, like, whatever a case of quality brats and beer go for. And a bag of good jerky, too.

  5. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandAugust 3, 2010 at 9:52 PM

    Mmmmmm...jerky...damn, what was I thinking about?

  6. Damn. I only barter in meat and ammo. No deal.

  7. love, I don't like to see so much pain
    so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
    I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
    I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive


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