Tuesday, October 5, 2010

U-G-L-Y. You Ain't Got No Alibi, You Ugly.

So my coma over, I wake up to a Packers loss to the Lions...no? The Packers won? They just won ugly? Well, I never would have known that after perusing the Twitterverse and blogosphere on Monday. Everywhere I turned, people were throwing themselves off cliffs like lemmings.

In order to talk some people back from the ledge, I tried to come up with some real world analogies that would help to frame what an ugly win means. Enjoy...or don't, the cliff is that way.

An ugly win is like ordering a steak, and getting an angus beef cheeseburger. Not as appetizing, but you still get red meat…and you get cheese too.

An ugly win is like getting busy in a Burger King bathroom. It’s not pretty, kind of nasty actually, but at least you got busy.

An ugly win is like going up to the bar and instead of the smoking-hot bartender in the daisy-dukes and tank top, you get the plain bartender in the sweater and baggy jeans. Not as hot, but she will always get you a drink with a smile, and at least she’s not the meathead bartender with the tribal tattoo armband who calls you “Bro”.

An ugly win is realizing there is a new Rant at the Packer Ranter but instead of being written by Robert, you find out it’s written by Franklin. Not as fulfilling, but at least you have a new Rant to read.

An ugly win is like ordering a PBR tall-boy and getting a Bud Light instead. It’s still wet, and it’s still beer. (Well, I think Bud Light is beer…can’t be sure, but I’m told it is. For this argument, we shall assume it is.)

An ugly win is like a normal win but without the style points…wait, style points mean nothing in the grand scheme of things? Huh. Robert should be alright then. BURN!

An ugly win is like mowing the lawn, yeah it sucks, and sometimes sucks pretty hard, but in the end it’s done, looks alright, and you can forget about it. Plus, you’ve got another week before the possibility arises that you have to do it all over again.

An ugly win is like a failed Lambeau Leap. Yeah sure, you bricked it in front of hundreds of thousands of Packer fans, but you still just did something that a Detroit Lion will never do. Well, two things actually: win and do a Lambeau Leap.

An ugly win is like having sausage or ham with breakfast. Sure, neither is comparable to a pile of bacon, but they are both delicious pork products that compliment a pile of eggs and hash browns.

An ugly win is like banging your head against the wall, it hurts and it probably looks stupid, but hopefully it knocks some sense into you.

An ugly win is something Tracy White…well, an ugly win is something Tracy White has never been a part of…so, bad analogy on my part.

An ugly win is just like a pretty win…they are both damn wins.


  1. Thanks for the perspective. Great Rant

  2. Great Rant!!

    I can't believe they had to bleep out "Burger King" in the video!

  3. An ugly win is like the girls you hooked up with in college. It may not be something you're proud of but your numbers were better in the first 3 months then they were in last 3 years of high school.


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