Friday, January 14, 2011

Bush Bash Has Been Cancelled. NO REFUNDS.

People love to bash.

I don’t like cauliflower. I think it’s evil in its eerie paleness. Cauliflower stinks to high heaven when it’s cooked, just more proof of its massive suckage. Cauliflower is the only food that by adding cheese to it is unimproved. That is no small feat because everyone knows cheese makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Cauliflower should never be placed on a plate for human consumption…unless for some reason you find that you have a living room full of Bears fans. Important tip: If you cook it, the smell should drive them away, or you could also make the jackwagons eat it until they finally give in and finally admit that The Bears Remain an Inferior American Football Squad. I wouldn’t even feed it to a rabbit if I had the misfortune of owning one of those floppy-eared freaks of nature. Seriously, rabbits are weird.

See what I did there? I bashed three things in the span of 142 words. Nice, huh? How about this one: cauliflower, the Bears, and rabbits all suck. That was only 7 words if you’re into the whole brevity thing.

Bashing. It happens. You know who Packer fans loved to bash? Jarrett Bush. You know who they can’t bash anymore? Jarrett Bush. This season it’s like someone added cheese to Jarrett Bush, and then they decided to throw in some extra gorgonzola for good measure. Read Rob Reischel’s piece on Bush if you don’t believe me. (By the way, I promise I started writing this Rant before I read that, the reason will be obvious shortly, but he proves my point with stats, and people use to stats to prove everything. 86% of people know that.)

The reason I started writing this was every blogger’s dream…the “I-Told-You-So” post, and guess who gets to do it? This guy. Okay, okay, okay…so I wasn’t exactly spot on, as Bush is not quite the dimeback the Packers are looking for, and maybe I abandoned the Bandwagon on the side of Highway 29 for awhile in the offseason....but I was the first to the start the Bandwagon, and it's been dragged out the woods and tuned up. And the whole dimeback thing, yeah, he did give up a TD in coverage against the Eagles, but Bush is on the team to be a Special Teamer, and he has turned into a damn good one. Has he reached mythical Tracy White status? Of course not, you insolent fools, no one reaches that pinnacle until Tracy White bestows you with the rank of Special Teams Demi-God (As there is only one God), but the stats and praise from Reischel’s piece are impressive.

Man, I do love it when a plan comes together….and a bandwagon starts getting filled up. one is on here with me yet?!?! COME. ON. Okay fine, people, when Jarrett Bush causes an Eric Weems’ fumble tomorrow, you’re all welcome to jump on. Please remember to keep your hands and feet inside at all times.

There’s no cauliflower on the bandwagon, I promise.

1 comment:

  1. Soorjo Alexander William Langobard Oliphant ChuckerbuttyJanuary 16, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    Put me down for a plus one on the bandwagon.
    Also, I like the words wombat and smock.


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