Friday, January 7, 2011

Philly, Cream Cheesed

Views from the Hillside
Last Sunday, the camera panned over the crowd and I saw two people wearing earmuffs. Now this wouldn’t be a big deal if they were women, but they happened to be two dudes. Men wearing earmuffs?!?! When did this ridiculous trend start? Men wear hats…or they freeze their ears off. There is no third alternative. The poofy, Princess Leia version and even the weird band one that goes around the back of the head are not acceptable cold weather ear-covering apparatuses. What? You’re trying to protect your hairdo? Look, sir, your hair will never be as simultaneously gorgeous and yet intensely intimidating as mine or Robert’s so don’t even bother. Wear a damn hat.

Erik Walden: 16 tackles 3 sacks, NFC Defensive Player of the Week. 6th round draft pick released by Cowboys, Chiefs, and most recently Dolphins. Dom Capers ability to plug guys in Bill Beelichekian. (Without the cheating part)

4th and 26th …I remember sitting in John “The Company Man” Johnson’s living room and going from a happy-go-lucky-we’re-going-to-win buzz to a did-that-really-just-happen-sulking-drunk?!?! Also, “F#%& YOU!” Freddie Mitchell crossed my mind too.

I cannot get over the fact that the NFL changed the OT rules because Brett Favre didn’t touch the ball in the NFC Championship game. How does he repay them? Well, you watched his season. Oof, talk about ungrateful. Rule changes like this are so stupid, can you imagine the rules changing for your fantasy league playoffs? The commissioner would be duct-taped to a tree and left there until next season’s draft.

Mick Vick wet himself a little when he heard Cullen Jenkins was coming back this week. Okay, I lied…it wasn’t a little.

Ron Jaworski is the honorary Eagles captain Sunday. He just picked Eagles to win. Idiot. Jon Gruden says: “THIS guy is flat-out wrong.”

I can guarantee everyone in the “Fire McCarthy” crowd are really impressed by how the Miami Dolphins conduct their business. $8 million for a college coach? Brilliant. Not complying with the Rooney Rule, so they can’t actually hire him? Brilliant. Interviewing candidates when you still have a coach? Brilliant. “Fire, McCarthy!”

I have a man-crush on Charles Woodson, Tramon Williams, Clay Matthews, BJ Raji, Cullen Jenkins, Nick Collins, and AJ Hawk…and those are just my man-crushes on defense. I’ve also started flirting with Charlie Peprah. Yes, I am a man-whore. Don’t judge.

I believe Captain Kirk said, “Set phasers to ass-kicking.”

Greenfield's Deals
If there’s any kind of Michael Vick/Eagles montage to the theme music of “Rocky” at any time, I may in fact vomit where I sit.

Dom Capers is the effing man. There’s no other D coordinator in the league who could’ve succeeded as well as the Packers have with all the injuries we’ve sustained – no one. I’m sorry I made fun of your hair when you arrived:(

Among other things, Sunday will be a battle of jumpsuits. Rumor is Andy Reid spent a day in Milan with a team of seamstresses as they customized a stunning weatherproof, rabbit pelt-lined Gortex wonderland for the Philly coach. How will McCarthy counter?

It’s Kuhntagious! Don’t be shocked to hear some “Kuuuuuuuhhnnnn” chants from the Philly fans, too. #30 is from York, Pennsylvania and set 27 school records at Shippensburg, where I’m guessing every other play was Kuhn TD (53 in all). Side note: He’s also got a degree in chemistry. Yes, I’m cereal.

You know who else played at Shippensburg? Rob Davis, who retired a couple years ago. His 167 straight games for the Packers is only behind Favre and Forrest Gregg in team history. Nice!

You know who else is nice these days? Mila Kunis. Yowsas.

You know it’s a huge game when you’re planning on the potential for a major hangover Monday, and therefore made the pre-emptive move to schedule that as a vacation day immediately following the Bears game.

Philly is only about two hours from Scranton. It depresses me to think that the characters on “The Office” may be Eagles fans. The show has already gone downhill enough for me.

There are only two outside chances the Eagles take this one: drastically win the turnover battle or Desean Jackson has a monster game on special teams. Neither is likely to happen.
Bum-Bum-Chhhh, Ba-Bum-Bum-Chhhh, GO PACK GO!


  1. I wear the wrap-around-the-back-of-your-head ear muffs and resent your judgement of me. I might be forced to take off my scarf and Isotoner gloves and fight you should we ever meet in person.

  2. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandJanuary 7, 2011 at 12:20 PM

    I love that Kirk link.


    "Breakfast Blitz". Freaking awesome. Sadly, I haven't seen this on the shelves here in Ohio.
    (I Wonder if it tastes the same as "Ochocincos", which I have seen here?)

  3. I accept your challenge Mr. Czech, but only if I am allowed to first remove my fur-trimmed Uggs and my puffy North Face Jacket before we duel.

  4. Soorjo Alexander William Langobard Oliphant ChuckerbuttyJanuary 9, 2011 at 2:06 AM

    For god's sake stop threatening to take off clothing! Yeesh!
    The sweater-vest stays on.


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