Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I Got Next...Maybe.

Happy New Packer Owners' Day to all those out there who purchased a part of the greatest organization in the sporting world...and to those who didn't, like myself. Unfortunately, due to attending the game this weekend against the Raiders and plans forming to attend at least one playoff game, the funding stream doesn't exist to actually BUY the team. Just visit.

While daydreaming about my upcoming firsthand view of the Carson Palmer "I-Should-Have-Stayed-Retired" Tour, I started thinking about what could entice me to me break the Hillside Federal Bank and contribute to the Lambeau Field expansion, not to mention broaden my investment portfolio.

I came up with a list of things that, had they been included with the Packers share mailed to my house, may have tipped the scales and enticed me to pull the trigger on a purchase.


  • One game per year that I control the music in Lambeau Field. Sorry, "Jock Jams," you're out.
  • The sauerkraut at one Lambeau food stand is called "Frank's Kraut". Wait, there's trademark issues with that name?!?!
  • A personal urinal for whatever game I attend during the season. No one else is allowed to use this urinal except me...unless they tell me an acceptable Bears joke, then they have a 45 second window to get in and get out.
  • Five whole minutes to take any picture I so choose with the Lombardi statue outside of the atrium. For anyone who has tried to do this, you know this is worth a lot...maybe more than one share.
  • A personal shopper at the Packers' Pro Shop that will guide me through the store. Not that I'm not familiar with it, I just want to get to Curly's sooner.
  • A tiny picture of myself displayed somewhere in Ted Thompson's office. It doesn't even have to be visible to visitors, just the fact that I know it's there is worth $275 for me.
  • A sponsored cold tub with daily reports on who uses it and for how long. Yes, as part of this ownership, I would do post-season cleaning of said cold tub. That is considered part of the purchase.
  • Souvenir, game-worn, ankle tape from a random Packers' player from each game. What would I do with this? I don't have the faintest idea, but I think it would be cool to say I have a pile of Packers'  ankle tape in my basement.
  • A Ted Thompson, draft-warroom-worn, pastel yellow, Packers button-down shirt. (I'd buy three shares for this)
  • A "Packers Shareholder" T-shirt autographed by the Packers' staffer who processed my stock purchase. I think it would make the share a much more personal possession then.
  • Mark Murphy to reenact a Ron Weasley scene from the one of the Harry Potter movies and post it on YouTube....What? They kind of look alike...they're both gingers.
  • A Christmas card from someone on the practice squad. It better sound heartfelt too.
  • A play drawn up by Mike McCarthy on a Lambeau Field napkin.
  • A taxi cab in Green Bay when I need it on game night...okay, that's selfish, I know NO ONE gets that.
  • The declassified file on why Tracy White was cut.
Hmmm...these all seem ver reasonable to me.  Maybe in 10, 15, 20 or 30 years when the next stock offering occurs, I hope to see one or two of these as an accompaniment to my share. (Please make it the last one)

Congrats to all the owners.

1 comment:

  1. As a new owner of the Green Bay Packers, please feel free to live vicariously through me. In other news, I burst out laughing at work and was in danger of nose-fountaining my coffee when I read your Mark Murphy-Ron Weasley demand. Never realized that they looked so much alike. Also never recalled seeing them in the same room at the same time . . .

    ReplyDelete

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