Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Catch You on the Flip Side

“I will always love you,” was sung Dolly Parton and later Whitney Houston in truly various forms. Dolly’s version was poetic, beautiful and truly heartfelt and then Whitney and her neverending lungfulls of ear-aching commercial stank blasts came along and ruined the song for a lot – a LOT – of people, damnit.

And while you can’t hear it, I now sing those lyrics to you – hopefully with more Dolly than diva. After some deliberation, more beers and several more nights in my GOIBER, I’ve decided to take a leave of absence from the Ranter. This has nothing to do with the Packers recent outcome and everything to do with my desire to focus my attention starting the nation’s first Telekinesis Camp for Aspiring Jedis and Anyone Else Interested (website coming soon!) or something else totally unrelated.

Rest assured the Ranter is in good hands with co-founder, Editor-in-Cheese and Tracy White fanatic, Franklin Hillside. While you might not want to bank on a rush of new Rants, you can find Franklin working the Twitters just about every day as he has done from the start. And if you want more Ranter or Robert, just read the archives (hey, that's alliterative - nice). I’ll see ya when I see ya. Go Pack! ~Robert

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

You Like Apples?

Robert and I have a good buddy from grade school who works for the Packers.  He’s a part-time intern for the assistant to the advisor to quarterbacks coach Tom Clements.  Pretty lofty position if you ask me. I’d like to say that he has extensive knowledge of the offense and of the QB position itself, and that this knowledge got him the job. I’d like to say that. In reality, he got the job because in grade school he was able to pen long, extensive love notes (in code so the teacher could never read to the class,mind you) on 4x6 notecards. You’ve never seen such a Lothario. While this doesn’t seem like it would transfer to working for an NFL franchise, you’d be wrong. He’s perfect for putting together those little QB wristbands that have plays and formations on them. It’s remarkable how well he has fit into this position, and his flexible hours with the Packers let him continue to work his dream job as the key-maker at the ACE Hardware.

Anyway, as he was fitting Graham Harrell for a custom, two-tone wristband complete with the non-screen, screen play that Matt Flynn threw against the Lions on it, he overheard Aaron Rodgers and Matt Flynn having the conversation below. For those wondering about the fate of #10, it seems like Flynn is very happy and might want to stay in Green Bay next year after all:

Flynn: What do I wanna way outta here for? I'm gonna live in Green Bay the rest of my {expletive deleted} life. We'll be neighbors, have little kids, take 'em to Little League up at Optimist Field.

Rodgers: Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way but, next year if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house, watchin' game film, workin' as my backup, I'll {expletive deleted} kill ya. That's not a threat, that's a fact, I'll {expletive deleted} kill ya.

Flynn: What the {expletive deleted} you talkin' about?

Rodgers: You got somethin' none of these other clowns have...

Flynn: Oh, come on! What? Why is it always this? I mean, I {expletive deleted} owe it to myself to do this or that. What if I don't want to?

Rodgers: No. No, no no no. {expletive deleted} you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to football fans. Cuz tomorrow I'm gonna wake up, and I'll have started 10 straight seasons, and I'll still be dominating this league. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. And you're too comfortable here in Green Bay to cash it in, and that's {expletive deleted}. 'Cause Caleb Hanie’d do {expletive deleted} anything to have what you got. So would Curtis Painter, Rex Grossman, Mark Sanchez, any of these {expletive deleted} guys. It'd be an insult to them if you're still here next year. Hangin' around the Hutson Center is a {expletive deleted} waste of your time.

I have to be honest, after hearing this, if I was Flynn, I’d pack up my things and be ready to start somewhere the day free agency starts. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. I’d just leave. I don’t know much, but I know that.
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