Monday, July 23, 2012

Employers: Never Hire Based on Looks Alone

Have you ever been watched while you slept?

Do you receive text message every ten minutes wondering where you are and who you are with?

Have you ever received an unsolicited call from your bank confirming a request for joint checking accounts?

No? Then you’ve probably never gotten involved with your cute intern from Iowa you hired based on those Glamour Shots she sent along with her pink resume. Make sure it stays that way, people.

My lawyer has advised me not to get into the details, but let’s just say I will probably never trust any girl named Shantelle nor will I look at banana pudding the same way again. Until I can recover emotionally and financially, my plans for the nation’s first Telekinesis Camp for Aspiring Jedis and Anyone Else Interested (TCAJAEI) are on hold.

So for now, I’ll be focusing on something that has always brought me joy - the Green Bay Packers. Looking around the internets, I can already tell journalists and bloggers alike have been overlooking some quality Packers material. Be sure to check back once in a while as I’ll try to get to those hidden gems you’ve come to expect from Ranter, including but not limited to, the progression of Tim Masthay’s thigh circumference from puberty to professional (hint: it’s exponential) or the nutrition facts of Stadium View’s cheese curds (not that that’s going to stop anyone from consuming mass quantities!). As always, suggestions are welcome in the comments.

Go Pack and remember: $19.95 doesn’t just buy a background check – it buys peace of mind.

4 comments:

  1. it . . . .lives . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. i'm pretty sure you shouldn't ever get involved with any chick from iowa. and as far as a pink resume: they also used to paint the visitor's locker rooms pink just to make them passive. hey, there were no posts for like 4 months, emmeffer. you need some help? i gots mad chops, and commitment. you have an awesome site with a great name. no need for it to die!!here: never published. it's yours. http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3144466938479024238#editor/target=post;postID=492473066505559953

    ReplyDelete

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