Friday, September 7, 2012

Anything for the Kids

A young, fairly promising student recently contacted the Ranter for help on his school project. Below is the transcript of our communication. His name and school have been withheld to protect his identity, therefore do not try and find him.

Hello sirs. My name is Timothy (Name Withheld). I am a 6th grader at (School Withheld) Middle School. I am doing a report for my english class on sports bloggers. Would you please answer a few questions for my report? I would be very thankful.

Salutations, young Timmy. We’d be happy to answer your questions. Fire away, lil’ sailor, and don’t be shy! We’re here to help.

What does it take to be sports blogger?

Can you wrestle a groundhog and beat him 7 times out of 10? That’s pretty much all it takes. Keep it personal, it allows others to relate to your fandom, and it tends to mean more to YOU that way. For example, talk about how you pinned the groundhog and then stood up and did The Belt followed by The Raji. You also have to be able remember at least one password, or at least have it written down in your wallet.

What credentials do you need to have?

In 1994, Robert chiseled a turtle out of a 2x4. Franklin has a cheese drawer in his fridge.

Do you need to be a good writer to be a blogger?


What inspires you both to write?

Franklin rubs the head of his Lynn Dickey bobblehead in a counterclockwise motion then….boom! Idea. Robert listens to the Packerena on repeat while staring at the wall until he’s ready to burst.

Who is your audience?

Well, outside of moms, crazy uncles, and presumably Ted Thompson, I think there are about 6-10 Packer fans (and even a Viking, Lion, and Bear fan or two) that check in every once in a while to either agree, or simply shake their heads with what we post. One thing we have learned: keep posting. People will leave if you get lazy…and The Dude is most certainly lazy (ask your dad what that reference means, Timmy).

Where do you prefer to create?

Within hands- or hairs-reach of the computer.

My English teacher is also a sports blogger. She has a powerlifting blog. She told me ask how much you two stringbeans squat?

Like how many times each day…or what? That hardly seems relevant.

By the way, you guys have really funny hair! Thanks for helping me out.

Please rephrase the question, Timmy. Also, what sort of citations will you be using? We both prefer footnotes.


  1. I smell a pulitzer.

  2. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandSeptember 9, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    Oh, I thought that was brats on the grill...


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