Sunday, November 18, 2012

Motown Milton Drops By The Ranter

Have I got a treat for you all this fine Sunday morning. I have an exclusive interview with a good friend of the Ranter's fiance. 

What? That doesn't excite you?  

Okay, here's the exciting part, he is a die-hard Detroit Lions fan, and all-around good guy....even though he roots for all feline teams. Without further adieu, I present the Ranter interview with Motown Milton.

1)     You currently live in Florida. How could you leave Michigan? I mean, it has it's own Upper Peninsula (many residents of which are Packer fans).

I moved down here to convert more people to Lions Nation. So far Lions Nation has increased in size. Granted most of the new fans think football is soccer, but I'll take it. Well, it is very similar actually, down here to Michigan.  The one difference is that there is this thing called the sun that shines pretty much every day and when the Lions blow a game to the Titans or get swept by the Vikings, I can look outside at the beach, palm trees, and the Gulf of Mexico and feel some sense of peace. If I was in Michigan still, I’d look outside and see gray clouds, abandoned buildings, and pot-hole filled roads and commiserate about the latest Lions debacle. Also, Florida is a peninsula and has lots of Packer fans around me, granted they all have gray hair and are quite forgetful because of old age. Many still think that guy who is in the Wrangler commercials is your quarterback. On the plus side, the NFC North is well represented down here in Naples. On the down side, that means that there are loads and loads of Bears fans nearby.  One other thing that is really impressive down here ,is that that they have three, count them, threem NFL teams in one state. Their fans are so incredible that they dress up as stadium seats that are the same color as the team. That’s creativity at its finest.

2)     What’s your favorite moment playing against the Packers? (other than when the Packers help Barry Sanders to -1 yard…oh, wait, that’s mine)
Beating Brett Favre 7 out of 10 times at the legendary Pontiac silverdome, and sadly, that’s about it. Winning in Lambeau in 1991 I believe also was nice. What do you feel about Brett Favre going from the Packers to the Vikings? That’s like sac religious isn’t it? At least Barry Sanders just retired, and didn’t go to the pack or vikes. My least favorite moments: 1) Sterling Sharpe left wideeeeeeee open in the 1993 playoff game at the end. How do you leave that player that wide open? I will never know. 2) The Barry Sanders -1 yard playoff game. 3) The loss in Green Bay to make the lions 0-16. 4) Matt expletive Flynn 6 TDs in a must win game to avoid the saints for the lions, when the packers played just backups.
3)     What do you think of Jim Shwartz? Honestly. Sub-question: would he be able to win in a fairly reffed, jello-wrestling match with Jim Harbaugh? (Because Mike McCarthy would destroy him. Fact.)

Jim “The Motor City Madman” Schwartz would destroy Harbaugh. First he would rip that whistle from around his neck, and nail him with one of his epic fist pumps. On a serious note, I think Schwartz was what the franchise needed (Wayne Fontes is still our winningest coach for god's sake) as he brought in a new attitude and helped us end our losing streak in general, on the road, division, and making the playoffs. With that being said, I don’t know if he is the one to take us next level. When your team can’t start a game till the 3rd quarter, has numerous stupid penalties, and gave up four special teams’ TDs in two weeks and didn’t fire the special teams coordinator something needs to be said for that. I like him and his passion and hope he can do it, but not as optimistic as I was last year at this time.
4) What's the best food item at Ford Field? 

Big boy double Decker burger is pretty solid. Two meat patties, cheese, and a thousand island like sauce(people wonder why Michigan isn’t the healthiest state). Also have a nice pulled pork sandwich. As a nice collectable you can get dippin dots in a lions helmet. I am going out on a limb and guess brats at Lambeau?
5) Is every Lion fan required to root for the Decepticons while watching Transformers? 

Yes. Is every DB going up vs. Calvin supposed to make their twitter avatar Optimus prime?
6) Kid Rock, Eminem, Ted Nugent, or Marvin Gaye?  

Old school Kid Rock is awesome. He puts on an amazing concert.  Great job at representing the city of Detroit. However, new country-type Kid Rock, not so sure of. Eminem is very, very solid, and "Lose Yourself" is a phenomenal song to be played at any sporting event before it starts or at a crucial part. If you think about it, "Lose Yourself" really fits with the Lions, as either A, they lose, or B, they lose themselves and commit dumb penalties.  If you haven’t noticed by now, I am a little disappointed in the effort the Lions have put forward this year. No business losing 2x to the Vikes, and should not lose at Tennessee. Last year they beat those teams and even dominated and destroyed the mighty Tebow.
7) Your better half is from Minnesota, and at least tangentially, through the fact that she went to high school where Ragnar works, is a Vikings fan. Have you converted her to Lions fandom yet? If so, congratulations, as there is nothing worse than a Vikings fan, if not....why not?  

Tonka Tina is a lions fan, but still a Vikings fan. She knows more players on the lions by far. She has also been to more lions games in her lifetime which is pretty incredible for a 2 year relationship. However she is “Minnesota nice’ and feels the need to be loyal to all things Minnesota. She does love that Vikings horn, she has Norwegian roots, and as you said knows Ragnar. Those are all things that will be very hard to switch. However, if anyone can make the switch happen, Megatron can do it.  I will disagree with you on one thing, Bears fans are wayyyy worse than Viking fans. The Bear fans act like they have won tons of Super Bowls, when they have won only one. Also they defend Jay cutler, which is ridiculous and think Brandon Marshall is a model citizen. Milton's NFC North power rankings for favorite teams: Footstompers, Bratwurst, Fighting Ponders, Bears (don’t even deserve me thinking of a nickname). My better half aka Tonka Tina power rankings: Vikings, Lions, Pack, Bears. Notice, even someone who isn’t a huge football fan hates the Bears.
8) From Ranter occasional commenter, D the Dragon, we have a one word question: "How?" 

How can I be a lions fan, well it’s a very hard thing to do. They have made me one of the most pessimistic sports fans in the world. I compare the lions to a snow flake and a house of cards. None of their losses are ever the same, and when one of the cards gets slightly touched they crumble faster than the blink of an eye. Now they have been better of late, as they seem to always dig themselves a huge deficit, then have to come back at the end, and as of late more times than not they come all the way back. They never get mentioned in most painful sports franchises but here are some lowlights: ONE ONLY ONE PLAYOFF WIN SINCE 1957, 0-16, they let one of the best running backs ever just retire when he was reasonably still in his prime, they lead the league in off season arrests, never been to a super bowl, oh ya and ONLY ONE PLAYOFF WIN SINCE 1957. However we don’t have Cutler or Tebow on our team, so that’s a plus.
9) What's your prediction for Sunday's game? Mine? Bratwurst and kraut, and a Packers W.
This Lions squad plays best when nobody expects anything from them, and I think it helps the Pack is as banged up as the Lions, and that it is at Ford Field is a big plus, though I am sure Packer nation will be there in full force. I see it being close for awhile but packers pulling away in the 4th. If Jake Locker and Christian Ponder can put up stats against us, I shudder at what Rodgers and Jordy can do. With that being said, I would hope Stafford and Calvin can do some serious damage as well. If the Lions can score TDs in the redzone and hold the Pack to field goals, I think they got a solid shot, but not likely. Some keys to the game besides the obvious: Punch and offensive lineman at bottom of the pile instead of stomping on them, as your less likely to be seen. Tell Rodgers he’s not that tall as you thought he was,  as he gets pissed and sulks when hearing that. Also, tell him that Papa John’s is better than pizza hut. Have Leshore and Fairley prepare the Packers pre game meal:  Score: Bratwurst and Kraut 34 Footstompers 24

I do want to say that I enjoy the Packer Ranter website and Twitter page, even though the Lions get ripped (usually it's deserved), I respect the heck out of the Packers, my fantasy team loves Mr. Rodgers, and Charles Woodson went to the real U of M and is one of my all time favorite players. Best of luck. I am very very jealous of the franchise that you get to root for and call your favorite team.-Motown Milton

Personally, I think Milton killed this interview. I'd like to thank him for his time and his thoughtful responses to these very serious and important questions. He has some questions for me that I will answer before the next Packers/Lions game. It's nice to know that even though we will be on opposite sides of the cheering fence today, we can always be united in our disdain for Vikings fans (Sorry, Tonka Tina) and Bears fans. 


  1. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandNovember 20, 2012 at 10:31 PM

    Bravo. Looking forward to the next installment.

  2. A_Lerxst_in_PackerlandNovember 20, 2012 at 10:34 PM

    Oh, and just for the record, ol' Uncle Ted could blow Kid Rock and Eminem away with a single power chord from his mighty Gibson Byrdland!


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