Monday, July 22, 2013

Stadium Noise Battle Rages, And Why the Packers Think it's Funny

By Parker Jones
So get this: Seattle and Kansas City are engaged in a heated, nasty feud over whose fan base can get the loudest. Apparently, fan groups representing both the Seahawks and Chiefs are petitioning the Guinness Book of Records for the right to hold title of “loudest NFL fans.”

Apparently, this is a really big deal for both teams.

But why would two fan bases desperately try and prove that they have the higher exertion of air during games? Why would they really care? I’ll tell you why: Because they have to win something. And when that something isn’t on the field, you look for whatever you can get.

It’s actually kind of sad, isn't it? Can you see Packers fans getting all worked up over this? Nope. That’s because Packers fans have better things to do than worry about appearing alongside the fat-twins-on-motorcycles and guy-with-the-longest-mustache in the Guinness Book of Records.

You know, things like “win championships.”

I guess when you actually win world championships, and have unmatched success, and come from the original NFL, and have the best fans in the league, artificial screaming seems a little childish. Damn, I guess we don’t have that noise record. But allow us to show you our (record) 13 titles.

You know, you would think football fans would care about…oh, I don’t know…winning games, fighting for division crowns, clinching home field advantage, creating an imprint on the NFL. The last time I checked, trying to claim the Guinness Book of Records’ highest decibel meter doesn’t equate to success.

Of course, I am sure Kansas City will fail to win this showdown of loud fan bases given the fact they typically fail at everything else. Sure, Aaron Rodgers dazzles Lambeau with his pinpoint accuracy and his Bart Starr-esque leadership. But Kansas City had Matt Cassel, so, uh, he’s a quarterback too. Hell, KC’s best QB in the last 20 years was Joe Montana, the on-his-last-legs Joe.

Not that Seattle can exactly yell insults at the Chiefs considering how “successful” its franchise has been. But all this makes for a great visual: All those slicker-and-poncho-wearing, coffee-drinking fans who buy Seattle Seahawks tickets trudging through the non-stop rain, past the Space Needle, past the flying fish at Pikes Fish Market, elbowing their way into the stadium so they can try and set the noise record.

I guess when you actually win world championships and have unmatched success, certain pursuits seem pointless. We Packers fans look on with bemusement and complete indifference.

Congratulations on your noise record, Seahawks fans (yes, I have the Chiefs losing). We’ll just have to settle for our 13 championships.

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