Friday, August 2, 2013

Free Playboy Was Nice. This Season Will Be Better.

In 7th grade, Matt Nackers had a big reveal for the 12-year-old boys at the lunch table – whilst checking box scores in the paper the night before, he found an ad for free trial of Playboy television. All you had to do was call your cable company, mention the ad and Playboy would be yours during for 24 glorious hours starting TONIGHT.

The thought of scrambled TV on forbidden Channel 99 coming in crystal clear was a thought too amazing to fathom. (This was pre-Internet, people, so those born before 1987 might actually understand the reference.) And therefore, as immature middle-school boys, we geeked out for a good 2-3 minutes before re-conversing.

“This will NEVER work!” someone said.
“Oh, but it already HAS…,” Matt reassured them. “I called last night and pretended to be my dad. They TOTALLY BOUGHT IT!”

Another milder, yet equally intense geek out. It was settled: each of us would follow in Matt’s pioneering footsteps and have a childhood fantasy come true.

My conversation went something like: “Hello, I’m calling about this (sweet) deal for free Playboy I saw in the paper / Haha, of course I’m over 18! / Great, so it’s all settled then? / You also have a nice day. / YES!”

I waited on pins and needs as my parents went to bed to sneak downstairs and turn on the TV. It fricken worked. Unreal. The only thing I could compare that initial moment to is this scene in Animal House:

OK, so the free trial turned out to be a much tamer/stranger version I what I was hoping for, including a rather lengthy, unexpected montage of LaToya Jackson dancing around and some weird interviews with a non-attractive swinger group. Even then, I was like, “Really?” It actually got boring and I went to bed. But STILL, I had gotten away with it and it’s all we could talk about the next day at school. “Yeah, that one lady did look like Matt’s mom!” LOLOLOLOL.

I know what you’re saying: “Great anecdote, Robert. It was mildly amusing and perhaps little too long, but what the hell does this have to do with the Packers?” Well, kind reader, as the post title suggests, that was nice, but I believe this season will be much better.

Truth be told: I’m insanely optimistic heading into each season – this is true for most of my teams. Hell, I even thought the Bucks could put something together. But I see a lot that gives me reason to feel this way.

I see a secondary filled with competition and players ready to assume leadership roles.

I see a dynamic running game brewing unlike anything I can remember.

I see key guys on defense returning from injury and fresh talent that will get newfound pressure on the QB.
I see a three talented wideouts and a tight end who would not shock anyone by having Pro Bowl years.

I see the premier NFL quarterback at the top of his game who hears your lofty expectations and throws them back in your face, saying, “YOU KNOW NOT WHAT I EXPECT OF MYSELF!”

Most of all, I see a team with a collective chip on its shoulder and some unfinished business that it is more than capable of closing out with glorious proficiency.

Get on the wagon, Packer fans, because despite the doubters, I for one believe it’s going to be one sweet ride in 2013. In fact, I’d go as far as saying this season will be at LEAST ten times better than a late 80’s LaToya Jackson in a nightie.


  1. A_Lerxt_in_PackerlandAugust 14, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    Oh, man, now you're taking me back...LaToya Jackson...Jessica Hahn (drool)...that chick from Thr Price Is Right...

  2. That's right! Did you get the same preview!? I remember the Price is Right girl now.


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