Tuesday, September 24, 2013

2013 Secret Team Concussion Protocol Test Memos

The Ranter was anonymously sent some internal NFL memos that we would like to share with you.

Memo

September 1, 2013

To: All NFL Referees

From: NFL Injury Protocol and Player Safety Department

Re: 2013 Secret Team Concussion Protocol Test

As you are well aware, the NFL truly values the safety of its players, and in our continued efforts to ensure that all players are evaluated per NFL concussion protocols, we will be instituting a secret testing program for the 2013 season. We will be using this test to determine if teams correctly follow all procedures for a player who may have suffered an in-game concussion.

You, as an NFL referee, will have a key role in instituting this testing program. We are asking you to decline from interfering on questionable plays where player A suffers a blow to their head delivered by a player B. If no penalty is called on player B, it forces player A’s team to evaluate and determine whether player A should be removed from the game due to concussion symptoms. Unfortunately, A penalty on player B’s team would give an unfair advantage to player A’s team in determining if a concussion has occurred due an illegal hit. For the purpose of this test, we would like them to arrive at this decision on their own without outside influences such as penalties called by you, the referee.

It is imperative that you do not throw a penalty flag on player B who delivered the blow.

One team has been selected for this year’s protocol test, the Green Bay Packers. Please refrain from penalizing Green Bay’s opponents if, and when, they may hit Packers’ players’ heads in an illegal manner. We will handle any illegal hits through our player fine system.

This test will further the safety of our league and protect all our players today, and in the future.

  
Memo

September 25, 2013

To: All NFL Referees

From: NFL Injury Protocol and Player Safety Department

Re: 2013 Secret Season Team Concussion Protocol Test – UPDATE

We would like to provide you with an update on the ongoing Team Concussion Protocol Test. We are pleased to announce that it has been successful through the first three weeks of the season.

The information we have gathered has been incredibly valuable, and the Green Bay Packers have followed the Concussion Protocols to the letter of the rule book. In two instances, Green Bay players, Eddie Lacy and Jermichael Finely were struck in an illegal manner, but no penalty flags were thrown. This allowed the review team to monitor the actions of the Packers as they dealt with these potential concussion situations. Both players were determined to have concussions from these illegal hits, and Green Bay proceeded to adhere to the policies on player concussions.

Subsequently, in the Washington game in which Eddie Lacy was concussed, the same player who illegally hit Eddie Lacy, also illegally hit Green Bay running back, James Starks, by leading with his head. The Washington player suffered a concussion, but again, no flag was thrown for the illegal hit. This allowed us to also monitor Washington and their adherence to the concussion policies, as well.

We thank you for your continued participation in the 2013 Secret Team Concussion Protocol Test. And remember, player safety is paramount.

*****

Interesting, no? Well, I think these memos clear up the issue as to why no penalties were called on the plays when Lacy and Finley were struck illegally. It’s all in the interest of player safety.

Friday, September 13, 2013

For Sale – One Aaron Rodgers Jersey

What you see here is a gently worn #12 jersey size 50 with stitched letters and numbering. Although it has Reebok tagging and feels every bit authentic, I believe it to be a knock off (albeit a very nice one).


Here’s the deal: I’ve had enough of this thing. This was my first jersey I ever purchased. Before this, I had never considered myself a “jersey guy”, but when a co-worker talked me into going in on a group discount, I caved and I never felt quite right wearing it. That’s probably because I believe it to be cursed by a Wiccan Bears’ fan living in China.

You see, this jersey has been worn JUST THREE TIMES.

1)  11/1/09 – Packers lost 38-26 to the Vikings
2)  1/15/11 – Packers lost 37-20 to the Giants
3)  9/8/13 – Packers lost 34-28 to the 49ers

That’s right. I wore it three times and was subsequently the cause of both a devastating loss and severe emotional damage to Packer nation each and every time, with last weekend's loss cementing this decision. No other cause for these losses can be ascertained without attributing them to wild speculation or superstitious nonsense. These losses were on me, and I accept that.

However, I would like to emphasize that just because the jersey is clearly cursed for me does NOT mean it will be cursed for you. In fact, it may have the exact opposite effect and result in a string of championships as long as the jersey remains wearable! Or, more likely, it will simply provide you with that traditional game-day flair that will make your football viewing that much more enjoyable. It just needs to be worn by someone who would appreciate wearing it. Again, I’m just not a jersey guy and I can’t stand having cursed items in my closet. #Petpeeve

And to sweeten the dealio even more, I will DONATE all the money to charity (after shipping charges). This is not a joke – I will send you a screen capture of the charity receipt and post it on this site. (Right now, I am thinking the MAAC Fund due to Rodgers’ public support of the organization.) So, you’ll not only receive a great jersey, you’re helping support a great cause. It’s a win-win-win with more epic win upside if you wearing the jersey does in fact result in Super Bowl wins.

Please, I invite you to send your best offer to packerranter at yahoo dot com, below in the comments, or on our Facebook page, etc. and I will get back to you.

Would also consider trades for well-preserved/packaged specialty meats or cheeses, or for a generous spin through your tailgate libations at Throwback Weekend. We’ll be there, BTW.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Hillside's Hamstring Helper

You. You there. Step right up and take a gander at what I have to offer you. This item right here will change your life...for the better, my friend, for very much the better.

Son...son, come back here. I can tell you're a man of substance and character who wants some facts before he opens his wallet.

Are you tired of strains, pulls, twinges, tics, twitches, tears, rips...explosions? Do you dislike sharp, dull, throbbing, stabbing, or intermittent pain? Are your thighs so massive and full of rippling muscles that your epidermis is stretched beyond it's limits? Do you wake up in the morning with your legs feeling tired, sore, jelly-like, tingling, or even like they are being stabbed by invisible ninjas?

Whoa, whoa, whoa...okay, okay, sir, come back. Sir, come back. Please. I can see now, that you know your ninjas. "Invisible ninjas" is, indeed, redundant. You are correct.

But I digress, young man. Do any of these symptoms affect you, or your loved ones, or acquaintances, or possibly teammates? Or more specifically, yours and the many hamstrings you may care about?

They do? I thought they may. Then you need to solve your problems with this.

What is it, you ask? This, my friend, is what I have come to call, "Hillside's Hamstring Helper". I have traveled the globe talking to doctors, trainers, shamans, healers, medicine men, massage therapists, soccer moms....and even butchers about the infamous and often misunderstood hamstring. I have taken their wisdom and their warnings and combined their various methods of hamstring care, mending, and protection into this vial right here.

Son, this little bottle of liquid will cure, heal, repair, pamper, guard, treat, and even armor your valuable Bicep Femoris, Semitendinosus, and Semimembranosus. You will be virtually impenetrable in the posterior section of your upper legs.

How much is it? Weeeeell, you just have to think about how much you would be willing to pay for invincibility in your hamstrings? A thousand dollars? Five hundred dollars? Ha! I'm going to practically give this away to you for the low, low price of ninety-nine, ninety-nine.

What? You're leaving? All that I just told you, and you are still walking away? I can see you are a tough customer, but toughness won't keep those hammies of yours safe. You're gonna want, nay, you're gonna need Hillside's Hamstring Helper.

Okay, okay, son. Tell you what. You give me ninety-nine, ninety-nine, and I will throw in another bottle of Hillside's Hamstring Helper absolutely free. No charge whatsoever.

You can't beat that deal anywhere, my friend. Not anywhere.

That's what I thought. I knew you were smart man and a fierce competitor. A man who cares about himself, but also cares about his compatriots, his teammates.

You won't regret this purchase, young man. This product is guaranteed, or your money back, and I give you my word, as a Packers' fan, that it will work.

Oh? I didn't mention that I was a Packers' supporter? Well, I guess it just slipped my mind. Shucks, I was just so busy trying to help you out, son. Nevertheless, I will not forget, and neither will you, that those two vials will be the best purchase you ever made.

You take care now, my friend.

Oh, you're welcome.

...Oh, son? You wouldn't happen to be a Packers' supporter, as well, would you?

You are? Well, is there any chance you would want to drop my card off at 1265 Lombardi sometime? I'd be much obliged, and it might help us all out.

No, thank you, son, and take care of those hammies. Go, Pack.




Annie's Analysis


In an effort to cheer up, talk off the ledge, and/or calm the rage of some Packers' fans after a loss, I thought I would get some in-depth analysis of the week's game from everyone's favorite ginger, orphan, Packer fan, Annie. I think sometimes a little positivity could go a long way toward saving someone from trying to drown themselves in their Cheerios following a defeat. It always helps to remember that, because of science, the sun will, in fact, come out tomorrow.

In an effort to be fair-and-balanced, heh, I may do a similar piece after each win to satisfy the doom-and-gloomers who can't be happy with a victory. We're all about representing ALL Packers' fans here at The Ranter. I think I may call it "Eeyore's Examination".

Here's the sunshine:
  • Aaron Rodgers looked in mid-season form despite the hand-wringing that he may not have gotten enough preseason action. Yeah, preseason.
  • A screen pass. An honest to goodness screen pass. Brilliant.
  • Okay, it's not game-related, but on cloo Network, Mondays are #MacGyverMondays. Nothing but wall-to-wall episodes of Angus MacGyver's exploits for Pete Thorton and the Phoenix Foundation. I'm watching it right now.
  • A healthy Jordy Nelson who just made big plays. The toe-drag catch gave me goosebumps. Truly a beautiful thing. Follow the green and gold brick road because there's no place like home.
  • Where did the 49ers make their hay? The middle of the field. And while Vernon Davis and Anquan Boldin may have made enough hay to feed every warhorse, nag, and cow in Westeros, the Packers were missing Morgan Burnett and Casey Hayward who both happen to play in the middle of the field.
  • Hey, at least the run was stopped.
  • I had an amazing wild-rice bratwurst during the game. Then I had another.
  • The Packers went on the road, in the first game, against arguably the best team in football, turned the ball over twice, were the victims of the refs handing the 49ers another down which led to a touchdown, and still only lost by six points. If you can't see the positive in that, I think you should just crawl deeper into the cave you dwell in with your precious and keep playing riddles in the dark.
  • Clay Matthews was all over the field...maybe slightly too all over the field...but outside of the momentary lapse of reason, he looked like the dominant defender he is. He was fired up, and I think he is single-handely trying to shed the "soft" label.
  • The next game is at Lambeau Field. That is an incredibly positive thing. Plus, the Packers get to get right against the Washington Team Who Shall Not Be Named. (Seriously, how the !#$% do they still have the name that they do? Come on, NFL.)
  • Despite making errors, that directly affected the game, Jermichael Finley and Eddie Lacy both came back and made plays. You gotta have a short memory.
  • What were talking about?
  • Cheer up. You got to watch the best game of the week, and it is football season again.
  • No injuries. No injuries. No injuries.
  • The Lions and Bears are in first place, and there is nothing more fun than knocking those teams out of first place...unless maybe it's the Vikings, but that won't be a problem this year.
Keep your head up and out of your Cheerios, folks.
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