Because I don't feel like writing. Oh look - it's the perfect screensaver size;)
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
We all know the Lions haven’t won in Wisconsin in 22 years. Robert and I are trying to figure out why.
- Cheese is Lions’ kryptonite. It weakens them and will ultimately kill them if they are exposed to it for a long enough period of time.
- Matt Millen.
- Barry Sanders’ early retirement.
- Brett Favre.
- Aaron Rodgers.
- …even Matt Flynn.
- The long flight over Lake Michigan induces terrible and debilitating jet lag.
- Robert’s double-jointed knuckle hexing.
- Matt Millen.
- I once saw a sticker where Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame, not Johnson) was micturating on a Ford insignia. That must have something to do with it.
- It’s incredibly difficult to leave the lovely city of Detroit. Once you are there, you never want to go anywhere else. Seriously, beautiful.
- The Appleton nightlife causes curfew issues. It has for me.
- Seriously, though, Matt Millen.
- Lions’ natural habitat is not frozen tundra. They prefer the savannah and grasslands of sub-Saharan Africa, or in captivity in Ford Field.
- The palpable intimidation of playing in the greatest sports arena in the world.
- The palpable intimidation of playing in front of the greatest fans in the world.
- Detroit may have invented the actual tailgate, but Packers’ fans perfected its use. Witnessing parking lots full of their invention being used against them is just too brutal to see.
- The Lions’ intense desire to be in the record books for something, even if it is futility. Any publicity is good publicity.
- “I don’t know why either, guys.”
- Well, you see, when one team scores more points than the other, that team is going to win. The Packers have scored more points than the Lions. This is a classic Maddenism, and would seem to me to be an accurate assessment as to why the Lions can’t win.
- They’re the Lions and always will be. I think this might be the correct answer.
If If you’ve got any ideas about why the Lions constantly fail in Wisconsin, please let us know.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Two weeks ago, my mother delivered five plastic tubs containing items from my childhood that she had been holding onto for one reason or another. As she explained, the remodeling of her basement had inspired her to get rid of a lot of the things in storage. I could do with the items as I pleased, she told me.
I spent half a day going through those tubs, discovering things I literally had not seen in twenty years. There were school projects, books that I never read, and clothes galore that maybe my future little Greenfield would enjoy wearing if only for the photo opportunity before I donated the item.
The fifth and final tub I opened was filled with sports equipment, including my triple-threat cleats (I used them for soccer, baseball and football), two original Laser Tag guns and sensors in very good condition, some uniforms and these vintage children’s Chicago Bears slippers.
|I owned Bears slippers? Really?|
I took them out and held them in my hands. Were these really mine? I’ve been a Packer fan my whole life, or at least as far back as I remember. And now, I’m a Packer Ranter for crying out loud. Needless to say, I was highly confused and slightly agitated. This couldn’t be! It was then I became disoriented and passed out.
When I awoke, I felt the wetness. That’s because before my spell I had poured a pint of Guinness, set it next to me and subsequently knocked it over. While I was cleaning the carpet, it all came back to me. Yes, these were my slippers at one point. I can’t remember where I had gotten them, but I do know that I enjoyed wearing them. In fact, they were my favorite slippers for at least one winter of my youth.
It made sense, at least practically speaking. With plastic bottoms, they were durable enough to be worn outside, and stitched with warm, blue yarn, they were comfortable enough to be worn to bed. It didn’t have anything to do with the team, I told myself. Sure, Walter Payton was great and all, but it was still the archrival team’s logo sewn on there. Maybe I didn’t know about the rivalry?
In the end, I think I deserve a lot of credit. Why? Well, these Bears slippers indicated that I was presented with CHOICES as a child. And in the end, I chose the Packers, and that has made all the difference.
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