Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A Better Draft for All

I'm going to tell you something I've learned during the lead-up to this year's draft: 47 PBR tallboys in a night will dilute your sample. Wait, no, that's not it. Well, probably that's true, but I don't have the requisite replicability to consider it fact.

What I have learned is that the lead-up to the draft is just too damn long. Months of waiting, and we've only reached the eve of the draft? And there's only one round tomorrow? We deserve better. We should demand better.

Follow me, folks. Let me take you to a better NFL Draft, an NFL Draft you didn't even know you wanted, but you'll wonder how you ever lived without. I'm not talking about going back to the old format of rounds 1-3 on Saturday and rounds 4-7 on Sunday (although that would be an improvement over the current nonsense). Think bigger than that.

A round a day for a full week? Nah. Bigger.

Imagine a world where there are no anonymous scouts trashing players, there aren't 4,632 mock drafts all saying the same thing but just different enough to get your click, there isn't a week dedicated to parading prospects around on TV in their durned undies. Does a draft really happen if there are no mock drafts, you ask. Well, I can assure it does and it will. We can enjoy the draft in a Shangri-La void of spandex dog and pony shows, and scouts talking down players only so their team can draft them later on. We can live our best NFL Draft because in this nirvana that we will create together there is no time for these things. None.

You see right now, on this alternate plane where we should hope to someday exist, the Indianapolis Colts are on the clock with the 80th pick in the 2017 NFL Draft. April 26th is exactly 80 days from February 6th, or as some people refer to it: the day after the Super Bowl. In this alternate universe you have just enjoyed 80 days of the NFL Draft. Each day represents another glorious pick. Think of the crazy trades the could, and would, happen if teams had extended periods of time to plan and orchestrate them. Think of teams scrambling to sign a free agent when they realize their targeted prospect is now, or will be, gone.

Teams eliminated from playoff contention would have their draft order assigned as they are eliminated, and as the playoffs progressed, other teams would be added to the queue. This still allows time for all teams to prepare...as best they can, with a slight edge going to the bad teams. As the draft continues on, the later round picks will be doubled up and tripled up on days, allowing the draft to conclude just in time for OTAs to begin in June.

You want this. Search your feelings. You will know it to be true.


Oh, and Mr. Goodell, I know you're reading this, so I will promise you, you can make money off of this. It's a win/win for everyone.

...Let's just get this thing going.




Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Would You?

A Friday is a great day to come up with "Would You?" scenarios. Every Friday in the breakroom, Craig the Custodian and I have a cup of coffee and pose some "Would You?" scenarios to each other.

"Would you eat five spoonfuls of the year-old yogurt in the back of the breakroom fridge if you got free yogurt for year?"

"Would you shave Gimli's back hair and give Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pip foot massages if you could spend a week hiking with the Fellowship?"

"If your dog could talk, would you want to know what she thought of you?"

Whatever your answer, you have to be prepared to make a case for why that would be your choice. It's really a good way to take your mind off of work and get you ready for the weekend. Plus, Craig usually has a little Red Breast to Irish up our coffees. Would you drink at work if there was a 16% chance you would get caught and fired?

As I was leaving the breakroom last Friday, Craig said, "You need a haircut, man." This comment and the Irish in the coffee got me thinking about a "Would you?" for Packers fans. So, I posed this question on Twitter:
It immediately become apparent that I must be 1) tremendously vain 2) complacent with the Packers sustained success or 3) underestimating the emotional uplift that a Super Bowl victory brings to fellow Packers fans. This seemed like a legit "Would You?" to me, I of thick luxurious hair, and I of a great appreciation of sustained Packers success. I would have to seriously ponder whether shaving my head for a year would be worth it for me. On the other hand, if I was bald, it would be a very difficult decision to wear a rug, a rug that everyone I met knew was a rug. (FYI-There is no cheating. You can't tell people why you have made either of these choices. Come on, guys.)

Well, based on my replies, I am in the minuscule minority. I quickly learned that Packers fans have a shocking disregard for their hair. SHOCKING. DISREGARD. Many responses seemed to imply that people are carrying a razor in their pocket in the unlikely event they are offered this deal on the street.

Then, while I was contemplating taking a straight razor to my scalp, I read these:

You know that part in 'The Matrix' when Morpheus explains to Neo what the Matrix is? The part where he vomits, passes out and then wakes up in his cabin on the Nebuchadnezzar contemplating his new existence? That's where I am, folks. I have awoken to the new reality that I am not the Packers fan I thought I was. I am not the fan who is going to give up a finger, even a pinky. Hell, I'm not even the fan that's going to shave his head.

Please excuse me while I go deal with this reality.


Friday, April 7, 2017

Mark Borchardt and the Packers

By Mark Borchardt

“The Pack Is Back.” And that's each and every year. Despite the odds that the doomsayers occasionally lay, those in the perpetual know understand that the game is good; nourishment for the soul, each and every season, and is meant for one thing and one thing only: to be played and thoroughly enjoyed. And nothing else.
I, myself, revel not only the game itself but in the context in which it occurs as the tides of time turn the land from lush Summery green to the golden fringes of burgeoning Fall. Ultimately, we're thrust into the cold, menacing throes of the Winter world but the Pack is right there with us. And in short sleeves to boot!
So, when you think about it, each game is like the turning of a page in the novel of time, its relentless march chronicled in weekly passages of seasonal change. Looking outside my living room window as the players strategize on the screen, I, at first, see full canvases of green that slowly turn into rusty hues of amber until the ultimate atmospheric cruelty leaves those once full trees into barren skeletons that await Winter's unholy doom. Well, that melodrama's for somebody else, as I thoroughly enjoy the qualities of all four seasons. And watching the Packers each and every week guarantees that I'll be seeing that stunning view through that living room window.
Mark, representing at Slamdance 2017
I've been watching football since 1978 and have been a Packer fan from Day One. Each and every year I look forward to the season and take in one game at a time, week by week, intensely watching from kick-off to the closing seconds. And during those dastardly commercials, the sound is succinctly cut off, for it's a great time to clean up the house and work on my journal and other writings. I usually stay at home for those purposes and rarely see it elsewhere. I can't even remember the last time I watched one at an establishment.
Whether the game is viewed in the trance of solitude, or among a joyful gathering of friends, Aaron Rodgers and company promise the real deal and I'll be there each and every time...
Mark Borchardt is a Wisconsin-based independent filmmaker, writer and actor, whose many works include "Coven" and the recently released short documentary, "The Dundee Project" - you can watch the trailer here.
Google requires us to state we use third-party advertising, who may use information (not including your name, address, email, or phone) about your visits to provide ads of possible interest. For more information or to opt out, click here.
To contact us or to advertise, email packerranter {at} yahoo.com