Monday, November 27, 2017

Zombies Versus Packers: The Movie

The movie opens with the Packers about to play their last game of the season. A win here at Lambeau would only be a consolation prize but may provide a glimmer of hope in an otherwise turbulent season filled with injuries, chaos and infighting. They appear ready to play but just get destroyed. Fans boo and exit the stadium in the middle of the 3rd quarter and by the time the game ends, Lambeau is already almost empty.

As the final whistle blows, tempers come to a boil and there’s a fight on the field – amongst the Packers players themselves. Heads are definitely gonna roll for this one. It’s a low point in the history of the organization and the NFL.

In the locker room, the players dress and collect their things for the last time. Their season is over. It’s depressing as hell and they just want to get home to their families now, but unfortunately not just yet. The head of security comes in and tells players to stay in the locker room for the moment. There are apparently a few angry or drunken fans roaming around and possibly violent.

As the players wait it out scrolling through criticism and memes on Twitter and Instagram, a SCREAM followed by GUN SHOTS is heard from somewhere outside in the corridor. With the players confused and on edge, a STAFFER barges into the locker room. He’s covered in blood and seriously hurt. The kind-hearted Mason Crosby approaches him and asks if the staffer is OK, but there’s no response. He falls silent before ERUPTING in rage and attacking Crosby. The staffer is no longer human – he has turned into a freaking zombie.

Justin McCray and David Bakhtiari rip the attacker off Mason and throw him against the wall. The grotesque creature surveys them and gets ready to strike. The linemen warn him but he attacks anyway, biting at anything it can sink its teeth into. This is now life or death.

Randall Cobb grabs a pair of ¾-inch-spiked wet weather cleats and wails on the zombie’s head, ending him for good. It’s a terrifying ordeal and it’s about to get a lot worse. The main power goes out and the backup generators kick in. Through social media, the players learn the inside of Lambeau is swarming with these bloodthirsty, infectious creatures. The stadium is on complete lockdown with no one going in or out. The still-unknown outbreak must be contained at all costs. This is really happening.

SWAT and local police surround Lambeau with the National Guard on its way. The media is going bananas and the world begins to pray for the Green Bay Packers.

But this team is not going down without a fight. They don their helmets and pads more like suits of armor than uniforms. Crates filled with various weapons the Packers can use are airdropped right there on the 50 yard line.

The field lights snap on, and so do the cameras. The Lambeau Zombie Apocalypse is going to be a commercial-free, televised event. 

The zombies stand at the opposing end zone while the Packers wait on their own. Tune in as the Packers do battle for real survival in:


Thoughts? Additional ideas? I was thinking the outbreak was caused by poisoned stadium nacho cheese created by evil scientists within the Minnesota Vikings’ organization to literally kill off our fan base.

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